


Connie Swap Episode 28: Crossroads to Empire

by br42, BurdenKing, MjStudioArts



Series: Connie Swap [28]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Anxiety, Art, Deaf, Deaf Character, Drama, F/F, F/M, Friendship, Gen, Momswap, Pictures, Platonic Romance, Slice of Life, Steven Universe AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-17
Updated: 2018-10-31
Packaged: 2019-08-03 09:16:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 22,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16323458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/br42/pseuds/br42, https://archiveofourown.org/users/BurdenKing/pseuds/BurdenKing, https://archiveofourown.org/users/MjStudioArts/pseuds/MjStudioArts
Summary: Connie needs a new cell phone and Priyanka is driving her out to the mall in Crossroads to get her one. On top of all that, Connie and Steven hatch a scheme to go and attend a Sour Cream performance. Hopefully she can wrap up the doctor visit in time to catch some sick beats that night in Empire City.





	1. Filling In The Gaps

Connie slept more than sixteen hours, splayed out across her dad's pull-out couch. She got up only for bathroom breaks, a few bleary meals, and to have her cheek tended to by Priyanka. Steven might have stopped by at some point, but that could just as well have been a dream. Connie had a lot of them, confused things, like her brain was too tired to build a coherent narrative and just threw half-familiar dream fragments at her instead.

The random colors and patterns made more sense than that time Lars turned into a shadow and Wolf ate him.

It was a little after breakfast the following day that Connie rose from the couch as something other than a zombie with bed head. Kicking off the covers she saw her dad sitting at the dinner table, hunched over a laptop, and Priyanka seated in an armchair reading a book, a steaming mug sitting on the adjacent side table.

For some reason there was a trio of lamps arranged in a triangle around the sofa bed, each plugged into a heavy duty power strip. The one nearest her was glowing dimly.

Whatever. Connie picked her way around the lamps, the bulbs brightening and then dimming as she passed. She'd changed clothes after getting back from the island and she vaguely remembered brushing her teeth at some point, but her need to shower was by now overwhelming. Mysterious lamp triangles were something clean-Connie could worry about.

As she shuffled towards warm-and-sudsy deliverance, her dad looked up and smiled at her, saying something inaudible. No point putting in her hearing aid just before showering. She smiled back but kept moving. Movement in her peripheral vision was ignored as she trekked across the apartment until she felt a hand on her shoulder.

She suppressed a glare as she turned around. Her dad was gesturing at his cheek. He made a scrubbing motion over it then shook his head, mouthing something while he did. Connie squinted at him for a moment before Priyanka walked over and handed her a note. In neat script -- _I thought doctors were required to have messy handwriting._ \-- she saw, 'Remove the bandage and rinse your cheek with water. No soap. No loofah.'

Connie handed the note back and nodded to both adults. Retreating to the bathroom, she closed the door with a click she couldn't hear but her mind provided anyway. Gingerly removing the bandage, she took a long, _long_ overdue shower, being careful to follow doctor's orders with respect to her injured cheek. Once she'd dried off, the rest of her bathroom routine followed, albeit with unfamiliar toiletries. Normally she'd polish her gemstone (and, once upon a time, her glasses) with a microfiber cloth, but here she had to make do with a terrycloth towel instead.

She'd gone in feeling like an australopithecus with morning breath. She emerged finally feeling human, the Ascent of Man via hygiene.

"Welcome back to the land of the living, cute lass." Her dad pulled her into a hug after Connie finished changing into fresh clothes and getting her hearing aid in. "I haven't seen you that exhausted since you first discovered bouncy castles were a thing." He chuckled, eyes getting that vaguely distant look as he saw a Connie from years ago instead of the one in front of him.

Before her latest birthday, that had been his default expression around her. That reminded Connie to hug him all the harder, living as he was in both the present and Beach City these days.

Connie gave a mild chuckle while she buried herself in her dad's plain white shirt. "Thanks for letting me crash on your couch, dad. I was- I was seriously tired." A day of island frolicking followed by two days of running, hunting, and fighting, with maybe seven hours of sleep between all three will do that to you.

Her dad broke the hug so that Priyanka could guide her to the dinner table and inspect Connie's injured cheek. "Of course," he said, standing far enough back as to not crowd them. "Though I should probably spring for a cot as well if it means Steven is going to be staying here too."

"Steven was-" Connie stopped when Priyanka pointedly cleared her throat, wordlessly ordering Connie to hold still. Being careful not to move this time, Connie said, "Steven was here? When?"

"Oh, he dropped by four or five times while you were conked out," said her dad. "Wanted me to tell you that he and Jasper got the camping stuff you all left behind. Said he didn't see any tricksters, whatever those are. Oh, and he's got a working phone again, same number as before, so you can call him."

Connie resolved to do precisely that as soon as she was free. Though she'd have to borrow a phone for now.

"No sign of infection or swelling. You did a good job dressing the injury after it happened," the doctor said, praise delivered matter-of-factly as she worked. "You've had first aid training, I presume."

Connie caught herself before she shook her head in negation; she was still being examined after all. "No. I mean, some. Peridot made sure everyone in the Beach House knows how to do the basics. Even the robonoids. But Lars was the one who patched me up on the island."

"Lars?" Priyanka dabbed something cool over Connie's cheek, her eyes never leaving her work.

"One of the teens or twenty-somethings that work at the Big Donut," explained her dad. "The one with the ear gauges."

Before Priyanka could ask the obvious question, Connie cut in. "They teach first aid in school here in Beach City. Also stuff like dodging monsters." Lars had done a remarkably good job running from the wolf-sized shadow monster, after all. "Steven tells me about it sometimes, especially when they talk about the gems in class."

"That... is actually very practical," said Priyanka after a moment's pause. Her work done, Priyanka laid a fresh bandage in place, this one smaller than the ones Connie had been wearing since the island, then looked at Connie directly. She was still very much in doctor-mode. "The wound is healing well. It'll scar, I'm afraid, but you won't be needing stitches. Pool water might irritate it and untreated water would be an infection risk, so no swimming for the next week. Probably best to avoid any scented lotions or moisturizers too. No makeup either."

Connie blinked. _Makeup? Are- Do people my age wear makeup?_ All of her human friends around Beach City were boys or older than her so she had no basis for comparison. "I, uh, I don't use makeup," said Connie, a little distracted.

For some reason her dad seemed to relax a little, as though he'd been holding his breath. Priyanka took her dad's hand and guided the two of them to seats nearby, father and daughter recovering their mental footing during the pause.

"So," he said while lacing his fingers in front of him. "What's been going on over at the Beach House these last couple of days?"

Connie opened and shut her mouth a few times, the whirlwind of events since Steven's birthday defying ready explanation. Nearby the lamps started glowing, the one closest to her flaring brightly before there was a 'pop' and the bulb burned out. Suddenly the heavy surge protectors they were plugged into made sense. She briefly wondered just how many bulbs had been sacrificed during her rest to keep the rest of the apartment's electronics safe.

Eyeing the lamps and then the laptop not that far away from the three of them, her dad said, "You know what? How about you catch us up over a walk?"

Connie nodded gratefully and rose to her feet. Her stomach chose that moment to gurgle loudly and she was suddenly aware of just how hungry three days of activity and most of a day of rest would leave you.

"We'll make it a picnic," said Priyanka as the three of them hurried for the door and away from the electronics.

* * *

Lapis flew across the Beach House because walking had gotten a little hazardous of late. Not a lot of cleaning had happened since Dot went on her depression sabbatical or whatever it was. And with Con-con gone-gone, well, not a lot of reason to put in the effort. She could fly, OJ was a tank with legs, and Wolf was a dog; a magical dog, certainly, but unconcerned with clutter.

What to do... Landing at her window seat, Lapis eyed her world-class collection of manga appraisingly. Shelf after shelf of teen angst, romantic mishaps, slapstick, and over-the-top clashes, each title pulpier than the last. Glorious. Made her really glad she never accidentally washed Japan away.

Still, she just wasn't feeling it. She could go back to her room and get something from the _other_ collection she had, the one Peridot wouldn't let her keep anywhere that Connie could find it. The idea had some appeal but after a minute or two thinking it over and idly batting her pigtails, she decided against it. Lapis knew herself well enough to recognize that she was in a 'do something' mood, and reading, no matter how wonderfully terrible the content, wasn't gonna scratch that itch.

She could spy on girlie some more. She'd 'happened' to make a pass or two over Mask Island the day they'd left. Something she'd learned pretty quickly in the war was that at the right time of day, she was the right shade of blue to almost disappear against the sky. And that's without keeping the sun between you and the two teenage cuties you were checking on.

When Con-con finally figured out how much she wanted to smooch Pinkie, and how much Pinkie was okay with that, Lapis would probably break into song. She'd definitely be leaving rainbows over the bay for at least a month. Wasn't even that hard; just had to drop the water from high enough and at the right angle to catch the light.

Still, Connie was chilling with Daddy Dearest which meant there'd be nothing worth seeing. She'd complain, possibly with a few olympic swimming pools'-worth of water, but she'd agreed to cut Dougie some slack. Flooding his apartment might be considered rude.

Lapis was just considering the merits of egging the Diamond Moon Base when the warp pad chimed.

"I found her," said Jasper, looking every bit as perfect (if far less adorable than Dot) as she ever did. If only Lapis could find some cute gem with a conversational style between 'two words plus a grunt' and 'half the thesaurus between breaths,' she'd have a gal for every occasion.

Uh oh, she was finding OJ hot again. Lapis closed her eyes for a second and reached out to feel all that water nearby. On the one hand, it made her feel safe. This close to the ocean, she was the biggest badass in any room she happened to be in. On the other, it was a reminder of just how much ammunition she had lying around if she got swept up in something.

A voice much like Connie's told Lapis to be careful. That voice used to sound like Citrine, but somewhere along the way that'd changed. Why hadn't she noticed that before?

Lapis opened her eyes and smiled at Jasper, excited, but it was the excitement of something happening, not anything dangerous. "So where was she? Trying to mount a blade on the side of a spire so she could stab the sky?"

Jasper shook her head. "Building a dam. Said the one the local humans had built was schist. Making them a better one. Something about digging wells too."

 _Well THAT'S news._ If it couldn't be used for violence or for withstanding violence, BM had never had much interest in it. Lapis suspected that making something that wasn't Rebellion-related reminded Bismuth of the bad old days working for the Diamonds.

"What'd she say about the whole launch thing?" Lapis was already winging her way toward the warp pad anyway; not like she was doing anything else, after all. And she _was_ curious.

"Didn't want to talk about it," said Jasper, arms folding. Huh, that actually bothered OJ. Then again, the two of them had always had that 'hit it until it stopped being a problem' thing going on, so Bismuth getting evasive was probably pulling Tigger out of her comfort zone.

"Don't worry, OJ. Give me ten minutes and we'll know damn well why she's damming wells. Then it's, 'Well, damn, Homeworld gets word and we'll be down a well ourselves. Damn the dam, let's plan a plan, and well or we're S.O.L.'"

Jasper stared at Lapis for several long seconds. "I get the word play, but you don't dam a well. You dam a river."

Lapis sighed and rode through warp-space in silence. In addition to normal-length sentences, maybe this third cutie would have a better sense of humor too.

* * *

Lapis happened to be positioned on the pad so that she got a faceful of sun as soon as the warp beam vanished. She raised a hand to shield her eyes and looked around, blinking away the spots. It was late afternoon or evening here, hence the spotlight in the face. There were... hills, dry things where the grass and soil only partially covered the rock underneath, a narrow but fast-moving river, and an old stone bridge crossing it; for the human definition of old, anyway.

Also, there were goats. Scads of 'em grazing and doing goat things. One was staring at them while chewing placidly on some weeds only a few feet from the warp pad. It was seemingly unimpressed by colorful magic people appearing in a column of light. Then again, if Lapis had to eat grass all day, she'd run out of cares to give pretty quick too.

She crouched down so that she was eye level with the critter. "Hey Billy. You or your brothers see any trolls around here? We're looking for one about yea big, dumb rainbow-colored hair, probably smells like wet cement and sriracha."

The goat bleated at her and then went to tugging at some wiry weed dotted with tiny blue flowers.

"Lapis, the dam is-" but Jasper was silenced with a gesture.

"Jasper, it's rude to interrupt," corrected Lapis. She didn't look over at Jasper but she could _feel_ the other's eye roll. It felt good. Then, addressing the goat, she said, "Okay, so it's four miles thattaway-" Bleat. "Five miles thattaway on the other side of the big lake. Got it. Thank you for your assistance," and Lapis pulled a dog biscuit out of her pocket and tossed it to the goat.

While the goat accepted this turn of events with the unflappability of someone with nothing better to do, ever, Lapis rose and began marching in the direction of the lake.

Jasper strode over. "Have fun?"

Lapis smiled widely. "I did. Thank you for asking."

They walked in silence for a while before Jasper said, "You sensed the lake, didn't you?"

"Maaaybe," drawled Lapis. "What? You don't think I can talk to goats?"

"I know you can talk to goats," answered Jasper casually. "But you can't understand them."

"Eh, Wolf hasn't been his usual ravenous self lately so I had some biscuits to spare," answered Lapis. "Plus, what's the point of living on a wet rock covered with a bunch of weird-looking organics if you can't play Dolittle now and again?"

Jasper didn't argue with that and Lapis was in a good enough mood she didn't try and goad/coax the Quartz into a longer conversation. As they walked along, the water in the river alternately flowed faster and then slower like a kid playing with a faucet.

* * *

"Hey Blue. Hey Jaz." Bismuth was standing on a scaffold in front of a wall of masonry. She had mortar caked on her arms, apron, and parts of her face. A few of her colorful dreads ended in splotches of grey as well. One hand was shaped like a trowel, which she used to wave at the pair before turning back to her work.

There was indeed a dam a little upstream, built by humans and, while Lapis was hardly an expert on such things, it looked about as well put-together as Peri's limb enhancers did these days. Unsurprisingly, the structure Bismuth was building looked solid. What was surprising, though, was that Lapis couldn't see any special materials, just blocks, mortar, and the like.

There were tire tracks near the pile of cut stone that indicated humans had been around, probably dropping off materials, but none were in sight.

Jasper looked at Lapis and nodded in Bismuth's direction, a wordless 'You go talk to her' request conveyed.

Lapis winged over, hovering in Bismuth's field of view and a little over the space she was working, for all the world appearing to inspect the gem's work. She nodded sagely as the gem smoothed mortar with her trowel-arm. "Mmhmm, yup. Not bad, BM. Keep this up and I might have you frost a cake for me after this."

Bismuth chuckled but wasn't distracted. "How big a cake are we talking here, Blue?"

"Big enough for Pinky to jump out of. Con-con's got a birthday coming up, after all."

That got the smith to pause, a mortar-smeared questioning look on her face.

Lapis waved her off. "It's a human thing, don't worry about it. If you had a TV out here in... wherever we are, I could help you get up to speed."

Bismuth shrugged, shoulders like the deck of a ship rising and falling, and shook her head. She returned to her work. "Thanks but no thanks, Blue. Building with this stuff is interesting but you gotta do it right or it won't be strong enough to last. If I were making something small like this out of durasteel then I could watch this TV thing of yours while cracked and it'd still last ten thousand years."

Lapis drew a little smiley face in the mortar before winging around and settling on the scaffold. Bismuth let the tiny bit of vandalism remain. "So why are you using this stuff? Or, ya know, building a dam at all?"

Bismuth walked over to a pallet of cut stones and hefted the whole thing up, balancing it in one palm like a waitress with a serving tray. With her other hand, no longer a trowel, she began laying the stones down the line. "It's this peace _Bismuth_ , Blue. No need for me to go making weapons or fortresses, 'least not if I don't feel like it. But humans live here. They don't need fortresses like they need dams built or wells dug or tunnels shored up. Besides, it's interesting doing it their way. They've built stuff that's still around from the war, you know? Out of limestone and lime."

"Add in lemon and you've got a pretty good soda, too," quipped Lapis.

Bismuth gave her an amused look, still laying the blocks. "This another TV thing?"

"Most of the best things are." Lapis had to walk steadily back to keep out of Bismuth's way. "Well, I'm glad you're enjoying a working vacation 'n all, but we've got some Crystal Gem _Bismuth_ for the Crystal Gem Bismuth to check out."

Bismuth reached Lapis' smiley face and smushed it with a stone. Was it Lapis' imagination or did that block come down just a teensie bit harder than the others?

"Between Jaz and Green, you've got my job covered with the corruptions and the tech. It's sweet you miss me, Blue-" and she gave Lapis a wink and a smirk that was oh-so-smackably Bismuth. "-But I'm sure you gals can get along without me a little longer."

Lapis would have doused those mortar-dipped dreads in response if it wouldn't have gotten the mortar wet, something she strongly suspected would push playful-Bismuth across the line into pissed-off-Bismuth.

Instead she had to setting for making an 'as-if' expression and sticking out her tongue. "Don't flatter yourself, BM. You were always my second choice. You'd be lower but Wolf's color blind so he can't handle the wiring like you and Dot can." Lapis waited for that to sink in just long enough to add, "Still, even color blind, he knows better than to have _that_ hair color."

She laughed as she dodged the swat Bismuth made at her.

Bismuth chuckled but it was plain to a veteran gadfly like Lapis that she was on-edge. The smith went back to her work for a while, Lapis letting the large gem stew a little while.

"Something happen to Green?" she finally asked.

"Locked herself in her room five days ago. Hasn't answered our requests to enter, hasn't come out."

Bismuth placed the last stone on her pallet and tossed the thing down to Jasper. Without needing to be asked, the Quartz began loading the thing up with blocks. "Fixing her gizmos?" asked the smith.

Lapis dialed down the flippancy and dialed up the seriousness. "Naw, they didn't break. She did. A ship got away, might make it to Homeworld, and Peri's convinced the Diamonds are gonna come back for round two."

At her mention of the Diamonds one of Bismuth's hands shifted into a blade, though it shifted back to normal in time for Bismuth to run it through her dreads. "A ship? I thought you gals broke all the old ships that weren't broke already."

Lapis nodded. It'd been one of the first things she, Jasper, and Citrine had done. Well, after she and OJ got over the the shock of reforming to find the war done and the world overrun with corruptions. They'd had no idea if any other uncorrupted gems were loose on Earth or for whose side, so they made sure any problems on Earth were going to stay on Earth.

"We did. Remember that Amethyst we told you about? She built a new one and vamoosed."

Bismuth's look of incredulity deepened. "An Amethyst. Built a ship? You sure you don't have one of those cracks on the back of the gem that you can't really see?" She tried peering around at Lapis' gemstone.

The scaffold shook heralding Jasper, the Quartz having jumped up holding half a ton of stone and making it look like she was skipping over cracks in the pavement. She set down the pallet and said matter-of-factly, "It's true. An overcooked Amethyst. She had a Pearl helping."

Bismuth laughed, but it was a nervous laugh instead of her usual percussive guffaw. "Oh, she had a Pearl helping her. Well, that explains it then. Follow-up question: where in the lithosphere did the Pearl come from?!"

Lapis used that moment to hook a slender arm through one of Bismuth's enormous ones. "There's a sensor tower that got roughed up by a Triphane that needs a patch job. Probably won't take you an hour. OJ and I will tell you all the details and when you're done, if you don't think it's important, you can damn well dam all the wells you want."

Bismuth looked at her project, obviously reluctant to leave.

"It's not gonna run off while you're gone, BM," prompted the hydrokinetic. "And if they have to, the humans can finish the job. They've managed to build one or two dams without you."

Bismuth relented with a sigh, hopping down to the ground below. She was heading off in the direction of the warp pad, leaving Jasper and Lapis to catch up. Lapis could see why Jasper had been unnerved; this really was weird behavior for BM.

When the two of them did catch up, Bismuth's shoulders were still hunched in that way that said she wasn't happy but she gave them a wry smile. "I know you were just being clever, but you don't dam a well. You-"

Jasper gave a small shake of her head. "Explained this to her already. No teaching some gems."

* * *

To Connie's surprise, it was Priyanka, not her dad, who took the news best.

"It sounds like you were caught in the middle of an ideological clash," summarized the doctor, "and forced to choose a side. A pity but not exactly unheard of among families."

Her dad gave Priyanka a look. "What did-"

"Dear, you dropped out of grad school and married an alien. I went to med school and divorced my husband. Neither of us were what our families' were expecting." Sitting in the shadow of the lighthouse, Priyanka looked into the middle distance over Beach City.

Connie wasn't really sure how to respond to this unexpected source of support. She'd been... less than thorough in her telling of how things had gone down on the island, phrasing it as a random monster encounter. She still didn't know what to make of the shadow trickster power, and even less about the whole Wolf-Nightmare Monster-Sanctuary _thing_. But Amethyst and Pearl's launch? That she'd been more forthright about.

She'd summoned her sword as part of her show-and-tell, something that had helped make the memories and feelings of the fight at the barn all the clearer. Despite souring her mood a little, it meant Connie could look down at the blade resting in her lap, thrumming with power and the promise of righteous victory. Tightening her grip on the handle, Connie felt a little surge of confidence. "Thanks," she said. A beat later she added, "For being understanding, I mean.”

Then, in a quieter and more abstracted voice, Connie asked, “But what do you guys think about the whole ‘Homeworld maybe returning’ thing?”

Priyanka turned to Doug, who shrugged. “Way outside of bounds for us sideliners, cute lass. If it happened more than a hundred years ago or out past the Moon, that’s Crystal Gem business. Learned that the hard way, actually.” He shook his head and gave Connie a somber smile. “At my insistence, your mother gave me a history lesson about the gems and Earth. It was on that day that I discovered the panic-mitigating properties of citrus, though only after my third bout of hyperventilation. After a while I learned to accept that it was way out of my hands and to not let it overshadow what I did have.” He pulled Connie into a hug and, judging from her reaction, winked or something at Priyanka.

Voice warm with mirth and paternal support, he added, “But then I had you and, like any responsible father, discovered entirely new reasons to freak out.” He ruffled Connie’s hair, leaned in, and recited, "'When in danger, when in doubt-'"

Connie smiled and finished the phrase, "'Run in circles, scream and shout.'" It was a rhyme he’d used when she was little, either to calm her down when she was anxious or as the prelude to a particularly silly bout of play, what with the aforementioned running and shouting. She sighed. "Weirdly, that makes me feel a little better."

Her dad drew himself up into an authoritative pose. "The fear of every child is that they will never be as wise as their parents. That thing you're feeling is relief that you won't have that problem."

Father and daughter looked at one another, chuckling and giggling, respectively. By the time they settled down Connie saw Priyanka looking at them with a wistful smile. Connie pretended not to notice and stared out over Beach City instead.

"You're welcome to stay with me for as long as you need," said her dad. "I've never known Peridot to shut down like this before --Lapis, certainly, and Jasper's had her month-long patrols-- but she'll come out sooner or later. Though until she can make you another necklace thing, I reserve the right to keep no less than four surge protectors between you and my laptop. I hope you understand."

Connie nodded. "So long as I have this-" and she raised her sword up and waggled it, "-or do this every so often-" and she pointed with her free hand and a cascade of sparks sprayed out, "-then it shouldn't be a problem. But I understand, dad."

"You'll need a phone," said Priyanka.

"Huh?" said Connie, grimacing at her characteristic display of conversational wit.

She heard the smile in her dad's voice. "You're right. If a thousand clickbait articles have taught me nothing else, it's that millennials wither and die if they have to go more than a few days without a phone." The smile dropped from his tone. "Hmm, with the power outage I'm pretty behind on some of the boring dad side of things, but maybe tomorrow I can-"

"I can take her, dear," offered Priyanka, sounding, if anything, a little eager. "If she's going to be staying with you for the foreseeable future, she'll be needing some things anyway."

"Lady things?"

Priyanka chuckled as Connie blanched. "Some, but I was mainly talking about shampoo and conditioner that are intended for long hair, snacks that aren't granola bars-"

"Hey, there's nothing wrong with granola bars," objected her dad.

Priyanka's smile deepened. "Of course not, but Connie should be allowed some familiar foods. Plus, with her joining us for more meals, I'll need to make a grocery trip, and it'd be good if she had some input on what meals were planned."

"Like butter chicken?" asked Connie, unable to keep the hopeful, almost pleading tone out of her voice.

"If that's what you'd like, then yes, we could certainly shop for ingredients to make butter chicken," offered Priyanka magnanimously. "There's a shopping center in Crossroads that will have everything we need, including a selection of phones for you to choose from."

Priyanka looked pleased but as far as Connie was concerned, the doctor could be as self-satisfied as she wanted so long as Connie spent that night sleeping off a butter-chicken-and-garlic-naan-bread food coma.

But first... Connie pushed as much internal charge as she could into her sword before reaching out with her free hand. "Sounds great. Now, dad, may I borrow your phone to call Steven? Gotta stop from withering away, after all."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The promo was drawn by BurdenKing.
> 
> We'll see you Wednesday, October 24th for the next exciting installment of _Crossroads To Empire!_
> 
> Another episode bingo card, created by the ever-excellent [BinaryGeek](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BinaryGeek/pseuds/BinaryGeek) from speculation within the Connie Swap Discord with only the episode's title and summary for guidance.  
> 
> 
> Two omakes to note since the conclusion of Ep27:
> 
> *) [Peridot’s What-If Machine: What if Garnet got to visit the Beach House sometime?](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12265302/chapters/37993181) by [br42](https://archiveofourown.org/users/br42/pseuds/br42) \- "Garnet arrives during poker night at the Beach House."
> 
> *) [Alternate Episode - Bonnie Lockdrew/Be Wherever You Aren't](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10673391/chapters/37993967) by [br42](https://archiveofourown.org/users/br42/pseuds/br42) \- "An outline of the very different story _Episode 15: Bonnie Lockdrew and the Cries of Hallowed Halls_ almost became."
> 
> * * *
> 
> If you have a Connie Swap story burning in your soul that you want to see in our official, curated Omake collection, drop us a comment either in the Omake fic or here in the main fic and we'll get in touch.
> 
> Connie Swap has an official Discord for the fans. [Come check it out.](https://discord.gg/RQMDdhr)
> 
> As usual, we'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments and your asks at the [Connie Swap Tumblr](http://connieswap.tumblr.com/). Thanks for reading!


	2. Getting Malled

Hands at ten o'clock and two o'clock, Priyanka drove her leased sedan down the road at a reasonable speed, taking them west out of Beach City and toward the larger (and saner) Crossroads. Even after months of regular visits to normalize the place, Priyanka still felt some tension leave her body when she put the Beach City Limits sign behind her.

She didn't care how cheap real estate was, or that she was practically commuting from there anyway; Priyanka would never live in Beach City. And if that meant she'd have to eventually trade in her sedan for something more robust and disaster-proof, so be it.

Maybe the lease agency had tanks.

Confirming the road ahead was clear of hazards, Priyanka spared a glance in the mirror at the girl sitting in the back. A part of her rankled at seeing Connie sitting in the passenger side of the backseat. The middle seat was statistically the safest place in the car; that's why car seats were supposed to go there.

However, the girl couldn't roll down the window and send a spray of sparks out the side of the sedan when she was sitting in the middle seat. The alternative had been holding onto that yellow sword of hers, which was entirely too much for Priyanka. She was willing to be accommodating, but swords were for Beach City nonsense and- and _gang members_ , not sweet teenage girls who played violin and got lost in books with adorable ease.

That Connie's regular spark breaks reminded Priyanka uncannily of Ravinder rolling down the window to blow cigarette smoke out didn't help her opinion of that either. Intellectually she'd recognized that her then-husband had resumed smoking because of the stress of a marriage falling apart. Plus, he'd quit shortly after the wedding at her insistence, so picking back up the habit had probably been a petty form of antagonism. Something Priyanka had been guilty of now and again, if she was being honest with herself. Regardless, she had been extremely relieved when she learned that Doug didn't smoke, and not just because of the health benefits.

As if prompted by Priyanka's musings, Connie rolled down the window enough to poke her index finger out the trailing edge of the gap. With a brief look of concentration a spray of sparks leapt from the girl's fingertips like she was holding a sparkler out the moving car. A second or two later the spark shower stopped and the car window rolled up.

Priyanka wrinkled her nose and had to tell herself the cigarette smell was a product of her imagination and nothing more.

Connie looked up and saw Priyanka studying her in the mirror. Both woman and girl looked away, Priyanka eyeing the road ahead, Connie staring out the window.

After the initial round of straight-forward topics --meal ideas, speculation over the 'exciting news' the Universe boy had hinted at over the phone earlier, Connie's preferred hair care products, basic phone preferences, and the like-- the two had lapsed into silence. The ship of discourse had run aground before they'd even made it out of the postage stamp of a town Doug lived in, and they had --Priyanka glanced at her GPS-- forty-seven minutes before they reached the shopping center in Crossroads.

This wouldn't do. Priyanka had maneuvered to run errands with Connie, affording her several hours alone with the girl. If she didn't do something to break the ice, she'd be squandering an opportunity and adding that much more frustration to Connie's day. From what the girl had said earlier, she had quite enough of that to contend with already.

Priyanka mentally reviewed the things of Connie's that lived in Doug's apartment, looking for a conversational opener. Movies, mostly animated; a violin to go along with Doug's for use in father-daughter duets; a few pieces of fitness gear (Priyanka having learned that the Maheswarans had similar bedtime exercise routines); assorted chintzy prizes won from the local arcade; a collection of young adult novels.

Putting on her 'friendly doctor' smile, Priyanka addressed the rearview mirror. "You like the _Unfamiliar Familiar_ books, right?"

Connie looked a little startled at the sudden onset of conversation and Priyanka inwardly cringed at her own less-than-graceful approach.

"Oh, uh, yeah. _Unfamiliar Familiar_ is actually the title of the first book; the series as a whole is called _The Spirit Morph Saga_." The girl wrung her hands in her lap. "They're really good. Have you read them?"

Priyanka shook her head, attention split between the road and the girl in the mirror. "They were written a little after my time. I was on a flight once which had the movie playing, but I was mostly doing my own reading." _And going over divorce paperwork,_ but Priyanka chose not to mention that.

Connie quirked her head in a way that looked uncannily like one of Doug's mannerisms. Priyanka was momentarily distracted such that she missed the start of Connie's sentence. "-books do you like to read?"

Years of dealing with patients meant Priyanka was able to keep the lapse of attention to herself. She mentally replayed the conversation then said, "Mostly medical journals. Clinical studies. There's a great deal of literature related to my field and I do my best to stay abreast of it."

Connie gave her a searching look, or as much as one could when the subject was a pair of eyes in a rearview mirror reflection. "And that's... fun?"

With a mental sigh, Priyanka reminded herself she was speaking with a thirteen-year-old on a roadtrip, not a rheumatologist in the hospital cafeteria.

"Sometimes. If I'm reading for fun, it's usually about the history of medicine, biographies of noteworthy physicians, pre-germ theory treatments and the like. I know it grosses your father out, but historical accounts of disease outbreaks are _fascinating."_ Connie's skeptical smile said she was in Doug's camp on this debate. Impulsively, Priyanka added, "I have something of a morbid streak. A warlock's alchemy lab has nothing on any room out of the Surgeons' Hall Museum of Edinburgh."

That did the trick, earning a genuine giggle from Connie that left Priyanka glowing. It was a pity Connie was in the rear since it meant she couldn't see Priyanka's answering grin. Still, camaraderie took a backseat to vehicular safety. Literally in this case.

"I guess there's nothing wrong with a doctor thinking medicine is interesting," conceded Connie, Priyanka's smile deepening. "But what did you like to read when you were younger?"

The girl's expression shifted to one of concern, perhaps worried that she might offend Priyanka by implying she was old. Priyanka saved her from her own (very relatable) second-guessing by saying in an easy voice, "You mean, was I reading about E. coli outbreaks when I was thirteen? No, I wasn't. My past self would probably find my current reading tastes terribly dry if not outright dull. Plus, my grasp of English in those days was nowhere near enough to read-" She tried to think of a YA series from back then that Connie might be aware of. "-Nancy Drew novels, let alone a biography on Dr. Semmelweis."

Connie blinked owlishly. "Oh, I forget sometimes that you're actually from India and not born in the States like dad."

Priyanka nodded. "I was born and raised in a district of Kanpur, which is in the state of Uttar Pradesh. And when I was thirteen-" _Thirty years ago,_ she thought to herself with a mix of emotions, "-I was doing my best to learn Urdu from a classmate because there was a novelization of the _Ramayana_ that I was desperate to read." She chuckled and shook her head at the follies of her past self. "I found the story of Rama and Sita terribly romantic, you see, and this version was much juicier than the stuffy copy we had in Hindi."

The girl's blank expression was question enough for Priyanka.

"Rama is a prince and also part-god in a way we don't have to get into, and his wife, Sita, is kidnapped by a demon king named Ravana. Rama, his brother, and later Hanuman, who is a hero/paragon to a race of monkey people called the vanara, go on an epic quest to defeat the ten-headed demon king and rescue Sita," elaborated Priyanka.

A light of understanding spread on Connie's face. "Oh, there's a tribe of monkey people in the _Spirit Morph Saga_ called the Hanumen. I never realized the connection before." She absently scratched at the ear with the hearing aid in it. "Also, there's a sorcerer with ten faces called Ravna. That can't be coincidence."

Priyanka shook her head. "I expect not."

Eyes bright, Connie asked, "What else?"

A glance down at the GPS showed thirty-nine minutes remaining. Priyanka wore an easy smile as she drove. "I'm pretty sure I was younger than thirteen at the time, but there for a while I was all about _Journey to the West_. I must have had a dozen figurines of Pigsy, Sun Wukong, and Sandy in my room and..."

* * *

Priyanka sat down at the aluminum courtyard table, near but not adjacent to Connie. She made sure to sit down on the same side as Connie's sole hearing aid. The table, a scuffed thing with the speckles of debris you'd expect from outdoor furniture, had five seats arranged evenly around it so sitting to one side of Connie or the other was inevitable anyway.

Between the late-August heat and the mediocre cleanliness, sitting outside wouldn't have been Priyanka's first choice. However, the food court's indoor seating was mostly wood- and plastic-based; not something Connie could discreetly discharge her electricity into while they ate.

A glance at the yellow-tinged force field shading them overhead, however, improved her opinion of the lunch spot and reminded her of the extraordinary element of this shopping trip. She may have left Beach City but she'd brought a key piece of it with her.

That the barrier would, according to Connie, block UV rays just as well as the sedan's windshield was a nice perk too.

Priyanka took a sip of her iced green tea. "How's the pizza?" she asked.

Connie had just taken a bite out of a wedge of cheese, pepperoni, mushrooms, and onions and looked up at Priyanka, surprise and a little guilt on her face. She'd probably forgotten about Pri in her haste to satisfy a growling stomach; she was already on her second slice, after all. Priyanka had to suppress a smile, remembering Anjan at a similar age and how ravenous he'd been.

The teenager swallowed and dabbed at her mouth with a paper napkin. "Pretty good. Fish Stew Pizza has better crust, but it is nice to have a pizza that doesn't smell fishy. Even their cheese pizza is like that; I think it's from the big pot of gumbo Jenny's grandma always makes." Snatching a topping that had fallen onto the her tray, Connie added, "Good mushrooms too," and she popped it into her mouth.

Priyanka's smile came through this time. "That's good to hear. Quality mushrooms can be hard to find." It _was_ good news; she'd ordered the same thing, after all.

"Oh, right. I forgot that you also liked mushrooms on your pizza," remarked Connie, pausing to touch the adjacent, unoccupied aluminum table, presumably expending the charge she'd built up.

Priyanka gave a little nod and let the two of them lapse into silence as they ate. Calls from the foraging grackles aside, the outdoor area was pretty quiet. Another benefit to not sitting inside, she had to concede.

She was pulled from her idle musings by a chuckle that became a cough from across the table. Priyanka looked up to find Connie setting down her fizzy yellow soda and patting her chest with her other hand. She didn't move but there was a corner of Priyanka's mind that was already reminding her how to deliver the Heimlich maneuver on a patient Connie's size. Some maternal instincts never really went away it seemed, even though her own son was twenty-five and hadn't lived with her for years.

A few seconds later Connie managed to recover. She took Priyanka's upraised eyebrow for the invitation it was. "Sorry. I was just reminded of something funny," she said, gesturing to her pineapple-flavored soda.

 _Contains 10% juice,_ Priyanka read silently with a twinge of disapproval.

"This one time Steven and I were having this serious talk over pizza and Steven was nervous about, um, me and him staying friends-" That surprised Priyanka; those two were all but inseparable and it was honestly a wonder they weren't dating. "-And he tried to pretend he liked mushrooms on his pizza like I do." A pause. "Like we do," she amended. She smiled and shook her head. "Anyway, he hates mushrooms and after, like, two bites he gagged. We ordered a half-mushroom, half-pineapple pizza instead and... And..." Connie's brows furrowed. "Saying it out loud, it doesn’t sound as funny as I thought."

"A fun memory, though?" prompted Priyanka, eyes twinkling.

Connie nodded. "Yeah. We stayed there until Fish Stew closed and Steven was taking notes in his power diary and we came up with these silly nicknames for each other based on our text message names and that was when we became destiny partners."

 _Is that slang for something?!_ Deliberately keeping her expression neutral, Priyanka took a sip of her tea and asked casually, "Destiny Partners?"

Once more Connie seemed to remember that Priyanka was there and, more importantly, not someone Connie was used to sharing personal details with. Hair poofing slightly from static, the girl's eyes dropped to the table and her cheeks reddened slightly. "Just an, uh, inside joke," she stammered. A little later the girl leaned over and touched the adjacent table.

Priyanka accepted the evasion without comment and turned back to her food, easing off the conversational pressure. _These are surprisingly good mushrooms,_ she mused. A little later her eyes wandered up and she gazed at the force field with an interest that was at least partially genuine.

Seeing something like that in a food court in Crossroads just struck Priyanka as _out of place_. Which the logical part of her found odd because Beach City was hardly in a different county; not the different _planet_ it sometimes felt like.

She was pulled from her distraction by Connie swallowing a bite of food and clearing her throat. "So, uh," she took a drink of soda before continuing. "What's it like being a doctor?" she asked, clearly trying to fill the conversational gulf.

Priyanka set down her slice and dabbed herself with a napkin before answering. "Stressful. The hours are atrocious. It's tedious at times, boring in others, and then I'm off to the operating room where the stakes suddenly skyrocket. But whatever else it is, it's rewarding. I'm doing good, helping people, and that makes up for a lot."

Gradually Connie's expression shifted from self-conscious to pensive.

"What's it like being a-" _child soldier_ "-Crystal Gem?"

"A lot like that, actually," the teen said slowly, still staring into the middle distance. A beat later her eyes focused on Priyanka and her mouth became a line.

Priyanka waited, practically able to see the tumult of emotion behind Connie's expression. It made her glad she was free of puberty's roller coaster.

A grackle approached, cawing at them for scraps. Priyanka shot it a glare but it was Connie's cascade of sparks that chased it off.

"Nice trick," complimented Priyanka. "Do you think it would work on hypochondriacs?"

That earned a weak chuckle from Connie. She took a drink of her pineapple soda and then said, "Because we help each other understand all this magic Crystal Gem business, Steven and I call each other 'Destiny Partners.'" The words came out in something of a rush and Priyanka thought she saw the girl suppress a flinch at the end.

Yes, Priyanka was definitely glad to be done with all of that teenager business.

"That makes sense," the woman said. The force field overhead vanished but Priyanka didn't stop to point it out, focusing instead on the fragile conversation at hand. "It all looks quite confusing and challenging from the sidelines. I imagine Steven's support makes a big difference."

Connie nodded, still not entirely comfortable with what she was sharing, or with whom, to be at ease.

Priyanka glanced around then leaned forward conspiratorially, her mouth a smirk. "Want to know a secret?"

That was something of an exaggeration; no one else knew this, not even Doug, but more because Priyanka was by default a private person, not because it was anything scandalous. Still, she was guessing that a girl Connie's age would appreciate the spirit, if not the content, of the message.

Connie, eyes wide and curious, looked around and then leaned in and nodded.

In a slightly hushed voice Priyanka confessed, "My favorite film is actually a sports movie."

Blink. Blink-blink. "What? Really?!" said Connie incredulously, doing that Doug-like quirk of the head again.

"It's called _Lagaan_ and it's set during the British Raj period, where this sneering British officer threatens to triple the taxes on this village unless the locals can beat him in a game of cricket," explained Priyanka, smirking like she was sharing something juicy.

Connie stared at her for another moment before giggling and asking, "Are there underdogs facing up against a bunch of menacing professionals?”

Priyanka nodded without hesitation.

“Are the characters a group of misfits? Does someone betray or sabotage the group in the second act? Is there a friendship speech?” asked Connie, the girl leaning just a little bit closer with each question.

“Yes, yes, and my goodness, yes,” answered Priyanka.

“That totally _is_ a sports movie!" A pause and then, "You haven't told Dad or watched it with him before?" After Priyanka shook her head Connie, looking perplexed, asked, "Why not?"

 _Because even though your father can be a little inobservant sometimes, he wouldn't be able to miss how much I enjoy watching Aamir Khan shirtless on-screen,_ Priyanka most certainly _didn't_ say out loud.

What she said instead was, "Because it's virtually unheard of in the States and because it's close to four hours long."

"Four hours?!"

"It's like the _Gone with the Wind_ of Indian cinema, including a runtime that’s over two hundred minutes long," said Priyanka. "There's even an intermission." She took a bite of pizza, chewed quickly, swallowed, and said, "It's campy, the archetypes are so broad you could trip over them, the musical numbers are over-the-top, and I love all of it."

Suddenly serious, Priyanka locked eyes with Connie and said in a slow, deadpan voice, "That's my dark secret, Connie. Keep it well."

A beat passed and then Connie cracked up, earning herself another coughing fit when she tried to take another drink of pineapple-flavored soda. After she’d recovered, more questions were raised of this seeming incongruity in Priyanka’s media taste. Then Priyanka got Connie talking about some of her own favorite films and the conversation flowed easily from there, the two gabbing as they polished off their lunch.

Priyanka even indulged and suggested frozen yogurt afterward. It was quite a bit healthier than ice cream or those giant cinnamon rolls they sold in the mall. Plus, Connie had offered to stick up for Priyanka if Doug wasn’t sold on watching a film about colonial-era cricket some night. That’d put Priyanka in a particularly generous mood.

* * *

Bismuth gave a low whistle as she circled the damaged, spindle-shaped sensor tower. "A Triphane did that? With what? A vice the size of a dropship?" She leaned in closer and examined some of the scorch marks around the band of destruction. "An electrified vice," she amended.

Jasper stood in her default at-ready stance a little ways back. "Corrupted Triphanes are large. Moissanite-large."

"Big, yellow pythons that love to give no-arm hugs to things," said Lapis after wafting over and sitting on the lip of the damaged tower. "And you can thank Con-con for the zap-marks. She put down Old Yeller herself."

Bismuth had been stooping to pick up the hull fragments that littered the ground, debris from the band-shaped ring of damage around the midpoint of the tower. The smith looked up at Lapis with a raised eyebrow. "Alloy took down something like that?" She smiled. "Nice. Though given the amount of volts she had to pump into it to do this-" and she waved a scorched fragment, "-I'm surprised I'm not finding a puddle that used to be her sword."

Lapis and Jasper shared a _look_ , the more expressive of the two frowning slightly.

Bismuth noticed this and looked between them. "I know I'm a couple thousand years out of the loop on some things, but Connie isn't one of them.” She picked up another piece. “Don't go holding out on me."

Jasper's expression was taught, like a cable suspended between two titanic but opposed forces. "Connie summoned her weapon. At the launch."

Bismuth rocked back on her heels, a gasp becoming a smile and then an 'o' of surprise. "Really? That's great! Whoa, and that Amethyst got away even with Alloy's sword in play?" She sounded incredulous by the end.

Jasper's fists were clenched. "The Amethyst and Pearl got away _because_ of Connie's weapon."

"Girlie pulled it on us so they could skedaddle." At Bismuth's wide-eyed expression Lapis was quick to add, "She didn't actually attack any of us with it. Just fired a couple of warning shots at Peri. It's the latest item on our big board of 'yeah, let's not talk about that right now,' up there with Rose Quartz, the state of Dot's limb enhancers, and Hiddenite's 80s pop career."

The silence stretched out between the three for several long seconds. "What's Alloy up to now?" asked Bismuth eventually.

Lapis drummed her heels on the tower idly as she replied. "Pulling a reverse-Peridot and being anywhere except her room. Last I checked she was hanging out with her dad."

Rainbow dreads shook. "Well, we can talk about how the temple's on a cracked foundation some other time. You gals dragged me out here to fix this-" and she gestured to the tower, "-not that."

The broad-shouldered smith climbed up the exterior and peered carefully into the hole in the casing the Triphane had created. Red distress lights twinkled within. After an appraising couple of seconds, Bismuth slid down a few feet, hitching her thumb over her shoulder. "Bad news is, most of that tech's that flimsy stuff Green makes that I hardly understand. It's working but not great; you'll need her to really get this tower sensing again. Good news is, as soon as Blue hauls the water pooling in the bottom of this thing out, I can patch the exterior up better than new."

"What?!" said Lapis. "There's no water in that thing! It's drier than Garnet's sense of humor in there."

Bismuth shook her head. "Nope. Flooded. I seal that up and you'll have yourself a blinking paper weight before long." When Lapis' incredulous stare intensified, Bismuth threw her hands in the air and said, "Go look for yourself then, Blue."

With a huff, Lapis turned and scrambled up the tower like a blue monkey. She thrust her head deep into the hole and peered into the gloom below, the blue gem disappearing up to her shoulders within. "You're cracked, Skittles, because- GAH!"

Lapis' cry was met with a growl as a mass of violet tentacles lashed out, ensnaring the svelte gem. With one hand on the lip and her wings beating frantically, Lapis barely managed to keep from getting pulled in, all while screaming and kicking her feet.

"Oh, my mistake," drawled Bismuth. "Guess that was a Slinker down there instead. Silly of me to get those two mixed up."

"Haaate you so muuu- ow! Stop biting that!"

* * *

Connie stared up at the entrance to the phone store. 'Welcome to Phone Niche-A' read the sign in deep purple letters.

_Is there a Phone Niche-B or is this place actually trying to make a strained antiquities joke?_

A flashy advert nearby read, _'Tyre'd_ of your old phone? Well, don't _Sidon_ the sidelines! Come to Phone Niche-A for the best deals in the known world. You'll have a _Ba'al!'_

Connie gawked at it for a minute longer, standing a few feet back from the opening to the store while other mall shoppers milled past.

Priyanka leaned in and said in Connie's good ear, "If it helps, I was baffled by the theme too when I first shopped here. But they actually do have a good selection."

Shaking her head, Connie followed Priyanka into the brightly lit shop where row after row of phones and accessories waited.

Connie's eyebrows shot up as she took in the first display of phones. There were so many. Different sizes; different shapes; different arrangements of buttons and displays; different operating systems; each with a bunch of associated stats that were largely opaque to her. It dawned on the girl that, despite having visited every continent on the Earth in addition to several places well above or well below the planet's surface, she wouldn't consider herself worldly.

She started to reach back for a hand to grip for support, expecting on some instinctive level for Steven or her dad or Peridot to be there. When she felt a hand that belonged to none of them, she remembered who she was with and awkwardly yanked the limb back. With a cough, Connie suddenly decided to get a better look at the indecipherable stats printed on the display. Were more 'G's good? She wasn't sure.

"Hello ma'am and welcome to Phone Niche-A," said a bubbly voice. Connie looked over to see an olive-skinned woman in dark slacks addressing Priyanka. She was wearing a tan hijab and a wide smile, her lips colored the same deep purple as her collared shirt. Her name tag, buried under probably two dozen buttons and stickers, read 'Nahid.' She looked college-age, but if Lapis had offered to bet Pocky over the matter, Connie would turn her down.

"Hello. I'm-" was as far as Priyanka got.

"Oh, you must be looking for a phone for your daughter." The woman learned forward until a purple-framed smile filled most of Connie's vision. "Hi there. I'm Nahid and who are you?"

Connie retreated a step, resisting the urge to put a force field between her and the woman invading her personal space. "I'm Connie. And she's not-"

"Oh, I understand," and she gave an exaggerated wink, even saying the word 'wink' as she did it. "You're shopping for yourself and Mom's just along for the ride. I know how it is. Well, Bonnie, if you have any questions, any questions at all, you just let me know." A quick glance at Connie's gemstone and she said with another verbalized wink, "Love the cosplay, by the way."

The conversational avalanche named Nahid then turned and left to go bury some other unsuspecting customer.

Connie blinked then said as loudly as she dared in the store, "It's Connie, not Bonnie!" She prodded her gemstone, then added a touch defensively, "And it's not cosplay!"

Nahid, however, appeared too busy smiling someone into submission to notice.

"Nevermind her, Connie," said Priyanka, who started to put a comforting hand on the girl's shoulder but thought better of it when she heard the crackle of static. "Let's just focus on finding you a good phone."

"Yeah, okay," agreed the girl, stepping out of the defensive stance she'd instinctively entered.

* * *

"Hi Bonnie!"

"Gah!" Connie jumped, the phone she'd been looking at falling from her hands and landing loudly on the floor.

"Good thing that's just a display model," said Nahid with unremitting chipperness. "Wink," she added.

Connie scrambled for the dropped device then set it gracelessly back in its spot on the shelf.

"I see the Samsung tee-four-eighty-two-ess model caught your eye. Good choice. It's a late last-gen phablet, only four-gee but with a twelve megapixel, high-shutter cam for superior selfies."

Connie blinked, dumbfounded at the barrage of syllables that almost sounded like words. Maybe a full gem’s translation ability would have understood all that but Connie had her doubts. Just as her thoughts were starting to regroup, a chipper, "Wink," made them scatter like crystal shrimp from a laser pointer.

"However, there's the tee-four-eight-two-you model that I know you're going to love, Bonnie," said Nahid as she moved entirely too close for comfort and rummaged under the counter. A second later she pulled out a version that was eye-wateringly pink and covered with big-eyed unicorns.

"Let me guess, the 'U' stands for 'Unicorn?'" hazarded Connie.

Somehow Nahid's smile widened further. "That's right, gal pal!" She then set the aggressively cutesy device in Connie's hand and stepped back.

Connie gave the phone a skeptical look, then opened her mouth to speak- "Wink." -and winced, unable to help herself.

Priyanka walked over from where she'd been browsing elsewhere as Nahid drifted off to cheerily accost someone. "I found a few over there I wanted to ask your opini-oh." She looked at the pink, phone-shaped eyesore, then back at Connie. "So, you like... unicorns?"

"Not anymore," muttered Connie as the box was unceremoniously wedged back under the counter.

* * *

_Ooh, I like the look of this one. The bigger screen is nice,_ thought the girl, going over the latest selection Priyanka had scouted out. Before stooping over, though, Connie looked left, then looked right. The coast was clear.

"Hi Bonnie!" came a voice behind her that was sure to feature prominently in tonight's nightmare.

"Eek!" The girl had to override her training and not sweep the feet out from under the opponent behind her as she turned around. Not that she wasn't tempted.

"I was talking with your mom over there-"

"She's not my-" started Connie but Nahid just talked over the top of her.

"-and she was saying you'd want a rugged model because of your high-octane, action-girl lifestyle!" Nahid said it like a voice-over in a toy commercial for six-year-olds, throwing in a few mock-punches for emphasis.

The fact that that was actually _helpful_ , however, short-circuited Connie's objections. "Yeah, actually. Rugged would be good," said the girl in a slightly dazed voice.

"Well, I've got just the phone for you then," and Nahid piloted Connie down the aisle to a stylized display case made to look like miniature bank vault. 'Vault’ door open, the phone was visible within.

"This is the Nokia tee-eye-forty-seven-ess-gee _RagnarTök_ model, complete with with titanium-reinforced impact case, shatter-proof screen, and three-foot steel selfie stick." Nahid withdrew what Connie mistook for a telescoping baton but actually had a cradle on the end to support the phone. "That last one is extra."

Connie's mouth was an 'o' of surprise as she beheld the Jasper of phones, indestructible and awesome-looking.

Not that she ever waited for it before, but Nahid took that as permission to continue. "It's waterproof, hardened against radiation, and has built in surge protection. It comes in gunmetal grey, titanium white, or pretty princess pink."

Connie licked her lips. "That- Yes, that phone. Um, the grey sounds good." It was a similar shade to some of the gemtech she routinely wore anyway. Connie turned to face Nahid directly, "Thank you, Nahid. That was-" surprise clear in her voice, "-genuinely helpful."

"You're welcome, Bonnie!" and the clerk clapped her hands together. "I'll just need to bring your mom over for the paperwork and then you'll be ready to take your cosplay to the girl-power extreme!"

Connie waited for it.

"Wink!"

Yup, there it was.

Before Connie could clarify the many errors in her statement, Nahid had flown on wings of capitalistic glee over to Priyanka and was bringing the woman over.

The doctor's brows were furrowed as she listened, though she managed to squeeze a pleased nod to Connie in before she spoke. "If I'm following you correctly, you can't sell her a phone without a parent or legal guardian present?"

Nahid's smile was eternal. "That's right. I'll just need a few signatures on the paperwork and then you and your daughter can be on your way with your exciting new phone!"

Priyanka gave Connie an apologetic look and then said, "I was unaware of that when I suggested this trip. I'm afraid-"

The thought of having gone through this whole ordeal without actually getting a phone to show for it was too much for Connie to swallow. Her dad's quip about millennials needing one had been a joke, but it didn't feel that way right now. She'd felt isolated since the launch debacle enough without having no easy means of talking or texting with Steven; it reminded her of just how lonely she'd been before meeting him. Plus, she'd been burning with curiosity all day about Steven's exciting news and had been hoping to call him after leaving Phone Niche-A.

Really, she was excited to leave Phone Niche-A in general, just not empty-handed. Which was why Connie found herself saying the following. Loudly. 

"No! No, it's okay, _mom."_ She gave Priyanka a 'run with it' look and then gestured with her eyes toward Nahid. "We can fill the paperwork out if that's what we need to get the phone."

Priyanka's eyes were wide but the doctor didn't hesitate overlong. "Okay then. If Connie's fine with it-"

"Bonnie," corrected Nahid with a smile, having stepped around a counter and positioned herself in front of a computer.

"Connie," insisted Priyanka.

"Bonnie," said Nahid once more, unflappable.

"I can assure you that her name is Connie. Connie Maheswaran. I am-" and she looked to Connie for permission before finishing, "-her mother, after all."

"Oh, my apologies, ma'am." Nahid was immediately busy typing, presumably correcting Connie's name on the forms. "And your name, please?"

"Priyanka Kur-" Priyanka played off her mistake as a cough. "Priyanka, uh, Maheswaran. Yes, with just one 'r.'"

The glance between 'mother' and 'daughter' confirmed that this was a surreal experience for the both of them.

Five aggressively chipper minutes of typing, questions, waiting for the print job to complete, and signatures (Priyanka's looking noticeably sloppier with the unfamiliar last name) later, Nahid had stapled the forms together, tucked them away beneath the counter and finally gone to fetch Connie's phone.

It was all the girl could do to stand reasonably still.

Nahid pulled a key from her pocket to open the bottom of the RagnarTök display. She rummaged around for longer than she should have. What was taking her so long?

The purple lipstick came close to meeting in some kind of non-smile, something Connie hadn’t been sure was possible. "I'm afraid there's no more models in stock beneath the display," said Nahid.

Connie felt a crackling sensation as she sped over, looking over the top of the woman's hijab to peer inside for herself. "What are all those boxes, then?" she asked, her heart racing.

"Accessories like the three-foot steel selfie stick," explained the woman. "Would you like to add one to your purchase?"

 _Why would I want the selfie stick if you don't have the phone?!_ roared a corner of Connie's mind. Another part couldn't help but observe how, actually, having a three-foot steel rod in hand sounded kind of nice, especially if things got any _more_ frustrating. That part sounded like Lapis.

"What about the one in the bank vault thing itself?" choked out Connie.

Nahid shook her head. "It's a display model. It's for demo purposes only and doesn't actually work as a phone."

"Perhaps there's more stock in one of the adjacent cabinets?" offered Priyanka quickly.

Connie latched onto this sudden wave of common sense, pushing down the crackling sensation she felt rising within her.

"Oh, good idea!" answered Nahid and she used her key to open some of the storage compartments beneath the nearby shelves of phones on display.

"No, not here. Hmm, maybe behind the gee-zee-fifty-two-twenties? No. Oh!" came a pleased cry from the clerk.

Connie had felt her hair standing on end but gave a long and wavering breath of relief. "You found it?"

That a few errant sparks fell with the breath was lost on her but Priyanka noticed and edged a little further back, looking between clerk and girl nervously.

"No," chirped Nahid. "We must be completely out of stock on the Nokia tee-eye-forty-seven-ess-gee, but I did find a Samsung tee-four-eighty-two-you. I know you'd had your eye on it earlier." She held up the device up for Connie to see, a gaggle of big-eyed unicorn decorations staring back at her.

There was a wave of static cling and the lights in the store flickered madly. Sparks sprayed across several nearby metallic surfaces and there were cries of alarm from the other shoppers, all of which managed to obscure the growling noise bubbling up from the back of Connie’s throat. Half the nearby phones rebooted and several just went black. The unicorn-blighted phone in Nahid's hand was leaking a thin trickle of acrid smoke.

"Oh my!" Nahid dropped the smoking phone. "There seems to have been some sort of power surge!"

Priyanka put a hand on Connie's shoulder, ignoring the staticky tingle. "Is there any stock in the back?"

"I'll go check," and the clerk bolted through the 'Employees Only' door at full speed.

Several seconds of silence passed, save for the chirps of random devices restarting and customers settling back down.

"Sorry about that," said Connie in a quiet voice. Priyanka gave the girl a gentle shoulder squeeze in response.

Nahid emerged holding a rectangular box. "I found a single princess pink model in the back."

"We'll take it!" 'mother' and 'daughter' all but shouted in unison.

* * *

"Hi, this is Steven."

"Steven!"

"Connie? Connie! Is this your new phone number? Great! Actually, I’ve got a big question I need to ask you. Which do you like better saved to your number: the Glum Glass profile picture or the one of you drawing a smiley face on a force field?"

Connie, sitting in the backseat of Priyanka's car and surrounded by the packaging of her new phone, was taken aback by this most important of decisions. "Wait, is that the pic of Glum Glass crying while hugging Sniffling Croissant?"

There was a pause over the phone followed by a sheepish, "Maaaybe."

Connie smiled. "That one then." Though she didn't share her friend's bottomless enthusiasm for the show, she had to admit that those two characters went well together.

Priyanka navigated carefully out of the sprawling mall parking lot, though she paused at a stop sign and adjusted the AC vents to better reach the backseat. She couldn't help but grin at Connie's happiness as well as breathe a sigh of relief at having escaped the shopping center. Hopefully the grocery trip would prove less eventful.

Connie bounced in the backseat, unable to contain her excitement. "So what's the big surprise, Steven?!"

"Surprise?" said Steven with feigned ignorance. "Did I say something about a surprise?"

"Steven."

"You must have me mistaken for someone else."

"Steeeven."

"I'm-a sorry but you have-a called the-a Peter Pizzapoppolis, not-a this Steven," said Steven in a cheesy Italian accent.

"Steven!" Connie shouted while smiling widely.

"Okay. So Mom and me are in Empire City so she can talk to the record people and we ran into Marty and Sour Cream! And guess what? Sour Cream is doing a surprise last performance in Empire before his tour goes to the west coast!"

The two had wanted to make it to a Sour Cream performance and, because of Bismuth's prank-gone-wrong with the donuts a month ago, they'd missed most of it.

"That's great! When is it?!" asked Connie excitedly.

"It's tonight! Dad said he'd drive you since he's meeting me and Mom up here in Empire. They have a fancy date at a fancy restaurant where they give you lots of little plates of food and there's, like, five forks to pick from."

Connie's cheer crashed to the floor. "Tonight? But I'm in Crossroads right now with Priyanka. And we have a bunch of other stuff we have to do before we leave town."

The line was quiet in the background save for the faint music coming over Steven's phone. Connie wasn't sure but she thought it might have been an acoustic cover of one of Mr. Universe's songs, so they were probably still at the record company office. "Oh, well, um, we could... Hey Mom? When is that reservation you and Dad have?" Connie couldn't make out the response but she could certainly hear Steven's dejected, "Oh."

Unbeknownst to Connie, Priyanka signaled then pulled out of the line of vehicles exiting the shopping center, instead pulling into a well-shaded parking spot nearby and putting the car in park.

"Well, okay, hang on," said Connie, thoughts racing. "I'll ask Lapis to fly me there. It'd be windy but I bet she could get there in time even after Priyanka and I finish running errands in Crossroads."

"But what if she's on a mission?" asked Steven.

"Dang, good question," conceded Connie but unwilling to give up. "Well, Wolf can make portals, so I'll just ride him to Empire and find you guys."

"Um, are wolves allowed in Empire City?"

 _Probably not,_ but Connie didn't say that aloud.

"There's got to be a warp pad somewhere near Empire. I could warp over and then maybe your mom and dad could-"

Priyanka cleared her throat, putting the increasingly alarming series of youthful ideas on pause. Connie wasn't on speakerphone but Steven's half of the conversation was audible enough for Priyanka to follow along. "You do have other ride options besides traveling on wolfback. I-13 out of Crossroads, for one."

Connie blinked, clearly surprised. "I didn't think you would want to take me."

"You could try asking," said the woman calmly.

Connie, still looking off-balance, said, "Um, would you mind taking me to Empire City?" A beat. "Please?"

"I'll have to call your father to confirm first, but I don't think it'll be a problem. This time, at least. My hospital shift tomorrow doesn't start until late, so I can accommodate a surprise trip to and from Empire today."

"But the groceries-"

Priyanka smiled. "I'll pick them up after my next shift. The stores are emptier at six in the morning anyway. It does mean we won't be having butter chicken for another day or so but-"

"I'LL WAIT!"

"Then we're good. You get the address from Steven while I call Doug."

With that, Priyanka removed her phone from the hands-free dock on her dash and tapped the shortcut on the screen to call Connie’s father. She hadn't always been this flexible with Anjan when he'd been growing up, she noted while the phone rang, but despite the charade at the phone store, Connie wasn't her child. She'd extended the olive branch to Connie in the past but the girl had been too wary of her to accept it. Now, though... If a surprise trip to Empire helped strengthen this nascent bond of theirs then it'd be time well-spent.

Besides, she'd angled to spend most of today going places with Connie, and this was more of the same.

"Hey Steven! Great news!" she heard from the backseat. Priyanka was smiling as she heard her call to Doug connect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We'll see you Wednesday, October 31st (Halloween!) for the final, exciting installment of _Crossroads To Empire!_
> 
> * * *
> 
> If you have a Connie Swap story burning in your soul that you want to see in our official, curated Omake collection, drop us a comment either in the Omake fic or here in the main fic and we'll get in touch.
> 
> Connie Swap has an official Discord for the fans. [Come check it out.](https://discord.gg/RQMDdhr)
> 
> As usual, we'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments and your asks at the [Connie Swap Tumblr](http://connieswap.tumblr.com/). Thanks for reading!


	3. Right Hand, Left Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Halloween! Here's a picture, courtesy of MJ, of Connie dressed as [Hilda](https://d1xfgk3mh635yx.cloudfront.net/sites/default/files/styles/original/public/image/featured/1047947-silvergate-media-launches-licensing-program-netflix-series-hilda.jpg?itok=voRdbET8) and Wolf as [Twig](http://www.brooklynvegan.com/files/2018/09/hilda.jpg?w=630&h=630&zc=1&s=0&a=t&q=89) from the show [Hilda](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hilda_\(TV_series\)).  
> 

Bismuth walked a circuit around the spindle-shaped sensor tower, eyeing her work. Not bad for a patch job. Certainly stronger than the original material had been. If someone wanted to sabotage the Rebellion's sensors, they'd be better off blasting a hole through the base than going through the repaired part at the top.

If she rebuilt the whole thing, Homeworld would have a faster time just burying the whole thing deep enough that it couldn't get a signal out. Still, Citrine probably wouldn't okay an overhaul --they were awfully exposed out here even with Blue to scare off air support-- so what could she do that'd be quicker? Hmm, a lattice of internal supports would toughen it up a lot without taking much time or materials. She could even pack some of the hollows with shaped charges, a fun little surprise for any elites that wanted to-

Bismuth blinked. She looked over at Jaz and Blue, noticing the outfits that didn't line up with her memories. Looking around she spotted a plastic wrapper caught in the grass, an empty pack of those little chocolate stick things Blue was so fond of. Humans made that. Not gems, and certainly not Homeworld.

Homeworld was gone. Yellow was gone and the war was over. A now-familiar cocktail of feelings coursed through Bismuth. Anger, sadness, confusion.

Relief. She wasn't going back in a bubble. The general was gone. Connie wasn't Citrine. Connie _wasn't_ Citrine. Mentally, she recited it like a mantra, the impulse to shift her hands into something bladed diminishing.

"Hey Skittles. If it matters that much to you, we can go get some Pocky," teased Blue, pointing to the wrapper she was staring at. With a wink she added, "I've got Dougie's credit card number memorized."

Bismuth shook her head, mentally casting about for something to cover for her lapse. "Thanks but no thanks, Raindrop. I was just remembering your little Slinker kiss earlier is all." She picked up the wrapper and pointed it at Blue, prompting a spider to flee from its hidey hole within.

Blue rolled her eyes and blew a raspberry.

Jaz walked over, looking at Bismuth seriously. "What next?" she said, two words that asked volumes.

 _Now that's a load-bearing question right there._ What _was_ she going to do? The details had all come rushing back: peace, finding something new, the dam. And... some Amethyst escaping back to Homeworld with a Pearl.

She eyed the sensor tower again. _I bet Green could interface that with a turret. This planet's covered with the things. Get the forge fired back up, build a whole mess of light cannons, let Green do her Era-2 thing and anything of Homeworld's that came sniffing around would get their facets blasted off._ She could feel her right arm itching to become a hammer and make weapons again.

"Yeah, you still got that Dam of Swordocles hanging over your head or what?" Blue was pretending to be bored but the way she was leaning forward, ready to summon her wings and take flight showed otherwise.

It had been nice building that dam. _Peaceful_ in every sense of the word. Her left hand momentarily shifted into a trowel. Her right stayed a hand, barely, but she could hear the ringing of struck metal in her ears.

 _Half a building isn't gonna stand,_ she chided herself and shook her head again. "I'm going to finish that dam. Unfinished _Bismuth_ ," she said with a grin. That joke never got old. "But you and Jaz can help me wrap that up. Then we can talk about putting a couple of surprises out there for any upper crusts that want to look around."

Blue shook her head. "Pass. I have a moral objection to building dams. And hard work. And not taking a nap in fifteen minutes."

Jaz gave a terse nod. She knew she could count on Jaz.

 _Besides, it's just a few cannons,_ she thought, the ringing in her ears growing louder as she turned for the distant warp pad. _Probably won't even get used, but if they do..._ and the sounds of gems shouting, crying out, then going suddenly silent joined the ringing.

Bismuth was humming a Ruby marching tune as she walked, left arm ending in a hand, her right ending in a hammer.

* * *

Connie hopped out of the sedan and sprinted over to Steven, the friends embracing in the shadow of his parents. The Universes had chosen a twenty-four hour deli as the place to meet, being an easy-to-find spot in Empire that was near everybody's respective destinations. Plus, Mary liked the pickles and had bought a jar to take home.

Greg and Mary chuckled then left the kids to their reunion --Connie had pulled out a pink phone for Steven to see and was telling him a story that, for some reason, involved saying the word 'wink' a lot-- walking across the sidewalk near the parking spot Connie had flown out of.

"Hi Priyanka," called Greg.

Making a final check of the car's interior and then engaging the parking brake, Priyanka stepped out of the sedan. "Hello Greg. Mary." She gave them the polite smile she wore at parties and hospital events. "How are you two this evening?"

Greg radiated easy mirth as he leaned into his wife. "Oh, we're fine. It was a mullet day: business up front, party after that. Thanks for bringing Connie out for Sour Cream's performance. Shtu-ball was giddy after Connie gave him the news."

Priyanka nodded. "Yes, Connie was very excited as well. Honestly, I'd be more afraid of what she'd attempt to come out here if I hadn't offered. Teenagers are reckless enough without adding magic to the mix." She hadn't intended to but she ended the statement frowning slightly.

Mary nodded, meeting Priyanka's worried expression with a somber one of her own. "I know what you mean. We're lucky that Connie is such a level-headed and responsible young woman. She must have good role models," she added with a wink.

The flattery was brazen but Priyanka was warmed by it all the same. On the few occasions Priyanka had visited with the Universes, she'd been surprised at how effective the duo were at making others feel welcomed. That they were performers made it even more unexpected, if the examples Priyanka had met at high-profile hospital events were at all representative. 

"That's kind of you to say," she responded. "I overheard that you two were going somewhere nice to eat tonight. Anywhere you'd recommend?" She was mainly asking to be polite, but if the Universes clued her into a good spot for her and Doug to share the rare dinner date, so much the better.

"Le Bernardin," answered Mary, turning to her husband to add, "At least, we do if you remembered to bring a formal jacket." She then handed Priyanka an envelope, the passes for the kids’ event contained therein.

Priyanka took it, folded it carefully, and placed it in a pant pocket, all while trying to keep her expression casual. Priyanka was, at her core, a practical woman. Her financial priorities had been paying off her mortgage and seeing her son through college without student loans, not ostentatious vacations or designer clothing. Some of her colleagues lived extravagant lives, every penny from their considerable salaries going into travel or expensive things or fine dining. And from them she'd heard of Le Bernardin; mainly in the context of how fancy and expensive the place was, which was saying something considering the cars some of them drove. Intellectually she knew the Universes inhabited a whole other income strata, but it managed to catch her by surprise each time she was reminded.

"I just keep a tux hanging up in the van," said Greg with a grin. "Plus swimming trunks and jeans so I'm ready for anything. Carpe denim, I say."

"More like Sun Tsuit’s _The Art of Wardrobe_ ," quipped Mary, earning a pleased, 'Ayyy!' from her husband. Turning her attention back to Priyanka, Mary said, "Thank you again for agreeing to take the pair of them home for us. It'll mean we can take our time, maybe even go out afterwards. If you and Doug ever need the favor returned, please don't hesitate to ask."

Priyanka emerged from her own thoughts and met the large woman's eyes. "Certainly," she said. Silently reviewing the plans, she went through a mental checklist of questions she needed to ask before Greg and Mary departed. "This musical venue is teenager-friendly, right?"

This being a 'surprise' concert meant there wasn't official information online she could consult.

Mary nodded. "Yes. Sour Cream assured us of that. Also, Steven has our phone number if you need to contact us, and we already have Connie's. Was there anything else?"

Was there? No. Besides, Priyanka found herself trying to appear calm, competent, and considerate before the Universes. In other words, she wanted to look like a mother in front of the other parents. As she said her assurances and goodbyes to the pair, Priyanka could only marvel at the old instincts, old concerns and points of pride that had come roaring to the fore. And after only a single promising day out with Connie, too.

Children eventually outgrew their parents but the reverse simply wasn't true.

Connie, Steven, and Priyanka waved goodbye as Greg and Mary departed for their (very) fancy dinner date. Then Priyanka shepherded the teens into her car and saw to it that both of them were properly buckled in the backseat.

When she turned the key in the ignition there was a rapid-fire clicking noise from the front of the sedan. Priyanka blinked and tried again, earning her another 'click-click-click-click' where it should have been the whir of the engine rumbling to life.

Hair slightly staticked, Connie yelped, "That wasn't my fault!" A long pause. "Probably."

"Sour Cream's performance is only, like, a five-minute walk away," offered Mary's son in an upbeat voice, holding his phone out to show directions.

Priyanka resisted the urge to close her eyes and press her head against the steering wheel. It looked like 'mom' would be on the phone with Triple-A instead of going to the concert.

* * *

Connie and Steven stepped into line out front of The Space Bar, confirmed (again) that they had the free passes, confirmed (yet again) that Priyanka had their phone numbers and they had hers, then waved goodbye to the woman who was already raising her phone to her ear, presumably to talk to someone about her car.

Connie really hoped that wasn't her fault.

Banishing the worry, Connie turned and took in the venue's facade. The Space Bar looked like it had once been a warehouse that had been renovated into a dance club. It was as though there had been a pair of owners, one who wanted a computer theme, another who wanted a space theme, and the two had just agreed to do both. Over the top of one another.

The pathway to the entrance was painted to look like the exhaust of a rocket that was blasting QWERTY keys instead of fire. The building’s side showed old CRT monitors inhabited by pixelated crew flying through space. There was a nebula painted on the outside which, when you stepped a ways back, proved to be Windows logo, and several planets had the Apple rainbow wheel in place of rings. And for reasons that were beyond Connie, swooping out from an asteroid field was a flock of flying, winged toasters.

A man stepped into line behind them. Connie didn’t pay much attention, too taken in by the dueling motifs, but a distant part of her thought he looked well-dressed. Handsome even, at least compared to some of the other clubgoers she’d seen.

"Pretty cool, huh?" asked Steven as the pair gawked and slowly moved forward in line. Connie could only nod wordlessly, muffled chiptune dance music filling the air.

"Meh, this club is only barely cool," said an assured voice behind them. "If it weren't for DJ SC, no one worth anything would even be here."

Connie and Steven swiveled around to see the speaker. It was a guy in about the same age range as Lars or Sour Cream, tall, wearing a brownish-purple jacket over a maroon shirt, with a white infinity scarf around his neck. His skinny jeans ended in boots that were the same shade of brown as his hair. He stared slightly past them with dark eyes, half-lidded and bored, like they were wasting _his_ time.

Connie's lips curled into a small frown as she eyed the man, mentally revising her earlier assessment. Steven, however, rocked on his heels, thrust out his hand in greeting, and said cheerfully, "Hi, I'm Steven, and this is Connie! Are you a fan of Sour Cream's too?"

The man considered the outthrust hand like one might a stain on the pavement. "Kevin," he said. "And SC is the current hotness. He'll be popular for a couple more weeks before the trendsetters have moved on, though no-taste losers will probably be dancing to his stuff for the rest of the year."

Eventually Steven allowed his hand to fall back to his side, unshook, and he gave Connie a questioning look. Connie's frown evolved into a proper scowl, arms akimbo.

Steven, meanwhile, looked up at the man, perplexed and a little defensive. "We like Sour Cream's music just fine."

Kevin rolled his eyes. "Like I said, no-taste losers."

Steven took a half-step back like he'd been slapped. Connie glowered at the man, opening her mouth to speak and finding it hard to settle on a single response.

"What, does your big-nosed girlfriend have something to say, or is she just dumb?" mocked Kevin, a hint of a smile crossing his lips at the outraged noises below. He tapped the ear that mirrored the one Connie had her hearing aid in. "Is that thing even real? I bet you just wear that so people will think you're deaf instead of stupid."

There was a strangled noise and it took Connie a second to realize it was coming from Steven instead of her. Her friend was alternating between wide-eyed shock and fiery rage, his face turning a vibrant shade of red as he stammered. Connie was taken aback, having never actually seen Steven mad at another person before.

Kevin's eye roll deepened. "Ugh, you're not one of those too are you, because I'm not going to repeat myself or start waving my hands like an idiot. At least everyone can tell at a glance that she's damaged goods."

Using a shapeshifted Jasper as her opponent, Peridot had spent an entire defense training module teaching Connie on how to disable a human opponent, stating that while gem monsters were more dangerous, humans were more prevalent. After one such session, Lapis had pulled Connie aside and given her _another_ lesson, much less clinical in nature but, she assured her, no less effective at getting some creep to regret recent life decisions.

At the moment that a large hand fell on Connie's shoulder she was already in an offensive stance, planning out the sequence of strikes that would leave Kevin a whimpering heap on the ground. Caught on the verge of violence, Connie responded to the hand by instinctively grabbing the pressure point between forefinger and thumb, then swiveling around to put her opponent into a joint lock.

"What the- ow! Hey, knock it off!" roared an overly large man who someone had stuffed into a too-small suit, muscles straining against the outfit's material.

With an embarrassed peep, Connie released the club's bouncer and fell back a step. "Oh, uh, s-sorry," she stammered out. The condescending chuckle behind her caused Connie to scowl and turn on the _proper_ target of her wrath.

"Hey, none of that," said the large man. "You kids are gonna have to step out of line. No minors allowed in The Space Bar tonight."

Connie felt the rage drain out of her and she and Steven both met him with an open-mouthed stare. "What?!" they both cried in unison. A beat later Steven added, "Sour Cream said this was going to be an all-ages performance!"

Rubbing the space between his thumb and finger, the bouncer said in a softer tone, "Sorry. It was supposed to be but at the last minute his manager swings it so the bar is selling novelty booze. No one under drinking age allowed," and he shook his head, thick neck straining at the collar of his shirt. "Even though I doubt anyone's going to be drinking that Guac's Hard Avocade they're selling. Stuff's nasty."

"But- But-" started Connie, a pass held up pleadingly in one hand, "What if we were accompanied by an adult? I can call her right now, I just need two minutes to call my- uh, I mean, to call..." but the wall of well-tailored muscle gave her an apologetic frown and motioned her and Steven out of line.

The two teens stepped aside. Worse, a certain ambulatory pile of smug chuckled as he was allowed past the bouncer and into the club, the chiptune music briefly louder while the doors swung open, admitting Kevin.

Once again, Steven's face was a picture in mixed emotions, alternating between looking incensed at where Kevin had been and shooting apologetic looks at Connie. Feeling self-conscious in front of the other clubgoers and wanting to head off a possible, public outburst from her friend, Connie took Steven's arm and led him quickly away from the entrance and into an alley.

"Rrra!" growled Steven, pacing between a dumpster and the building's electrical hookups.

Those Connie made a point of stepping away from, going so far as to let a spray of sparks loose. It took a while before she felt the charge diminished.

"That- That- I just can't-" Steven swiveled on Connie. "I'm really sorry, Connie. I invited you out here and then there was _that guy_ -" the words said like an epithet, "-And you came all this way and we didn't even get in. I- Grrr! Shatter this sideways with a rusty injector drill!” he said, loudly reciting a gem-swear he’d learned from Connie (who’d overheard it from Lapis) months ago.

The teen made another circuit between dumpster and utilities before swiveling around and bringing his fist into his palm, expression determined. "No. We are going to see this performance. We can figure out a way in!" he said, emphatic.

"Actually, Steven, I was-"

Steven was staring into the middle distance, gears turning behind his eyes. "Okay, you can turn into a cat and get inside because no one stops cats for I.D. Then you go to the bathroom and bat open one of the windows, I'll climb in, help you change back, and then-"

"But Steven we could-"

"No, you're right, you'd have to go into the boys' bathroom or the girls' and either way one of us is going to be going where we aren't supposed to." A pause. "I mean, aren't supposed to besides into the club in the first place. No, better idea, we sneak onto the roof and come in through a skylight. If there's a Pac-Man or big yellow sun painted on the wall, then we can use that to disguise the force fields we use to-"

"I've got a simpler idea, that-"

"Yeah, that's way too complicated, you're right." Steven was pacing up a storm. "Better to go with simple. I'm pretty sure we passed a place that sells trench coats so we can-"

"Steven!"

Her friend was pulled out of his intense brainstorming and looked over at her, expression open. Connie looked at him straight on and said, "Why don't we just walk in. _Together."_

Steven swallowed. "Together-together?"

In answer, Connie pulled out her phone and tapped something, causing it to play a chipper mix of electronic notes, acoustic guitar, and drum beats. It had been one of the first things she’d downloaded to the new device.

She held her hand out to her friend in invitation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have a Connie Swap story burning in your soul that you want to see in our official, curated Omake collection, drop us a comment either in the Omake fic or here in the main fic and we'll get in touch.
> 
> Connie Swap has an official Discord for the fans. [Come check it out.](https://discord.gg/RQMDdhr)
> 
> As usual, we'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments and your asks at the [Connie Swap Tumblr](http://connieswap.tumblr.com/). Thanks for reading!


	4. Hit the Dance Floor

Someone stepped into The Space Bar and looked around in wonder. It was so cool! There was a disco ball and lights flashing around and the music was amazing and along one wall was a line of classic arcades and there was an ancient computer that had a cluster of people around it and next to that was a giant projection screen of the game of Asteroids being played on it. Nearby was a long bar that looked just like the one from _Star Trek: The Next Generation_... If it had TVs showing old screensavers spaced overhead.

The dance floor was packed and on a platform rising above it was Sour Cream! They waved and shouted hi but realized a second later that, of course, he couldn't hear them. "Oh gosh! This is so cool! What am I going to do first? Dance? Play Dig Dug? Get some of Sour Cream's merch? OH-MY-GOODNESS-THEY-HAVE-GLOWING-DRINKS!" And with that, they sprinted for the bar at breakneck speed.

A bartender dressed like Neelix looked at them expectantly but they just kept on moving. He didn't seem especially surprised.

Why Will Riker was serving drinks wasn't clear, but they weren't going to question the commander. "You don't want one of those avocado drinks do you?" asked the Riker look-alike with a wary expression. Hung between the TVs were banners showing a grinning avocado with sunglasses, and adult-sized cardboard cutouts of the questionable mascot for a dubious beverage bookended the bar.

"Oh heck no! I want one of those!" they said, pointing down the bar to a woman in an orange halter top with Bismuth-like rainbow hair, who looked like she was drinking a liquid glow stick.

"Oh, that? Sure," explained the bearded bartender, relieved he wouldn't be serving something you had to fish the pit out of. "It's just simple syrup infused with some non-toxic glow stuff. I can add it to pretty much whatever you want."

"I'll take a Coke!" The person in the weird mishmash clothes leaned on the bar and said in a debonair tone. "Shaken, not stirred."

Riker stared at them levelly. "You want me to shake this bottle of soda for you?"

"It's okay," answered the customer. "I've got a license to spill."

Rolling his eyes while his goofy customer chuckled at their own joke, the bartender in the Starfleet uniform mixed the drink (rather more forcefully than usual because, hey, a request was a request) and rang them up.

Unsurprisingly, they found themselves mopping up a sweet and glowing mess, thoroughly convinced the punchline had been worth it. After paying and finishing off what was left of their drink, they started to walk toward the end of the bar. "No problem, I'll just dry off in the-" They looked over at the doors to the men and women's bathrooms. Their mouth opened and closed and their cheeks flushed.

"New plan!" They fished a coin out of their pocket, held it out in front of them, and channeled current through it. "Oh, hey, it turns out I can do this too!" The coin got warm, then got nice and hot... something the person noticed when it started to singe their fingers. With a yelp, they dropped the coin on the counter, reached over the bar and grabbed a pair of ice tongs, then used that to run the coin over the damp (and glowing) clothes like a miniature heated iron.

Just after they had finished drying off their combination blouse-Mr. Universe tee the music shifted to one of their favorites from Sour Cream's album. The cheer from the audience meant they weren't alone in their opinion. "Yes! Dancing! Definitely time for dancing!" They tossed the still-warm coin into a tip tip jar, set down the tongs, and all but leapt onto the dance floor, grooving to the chiptune medley while people and colors swirled around them.

This party was amazing and they were so glad they came!

* * *

"Your call is important to us and we appreciate your patience," assured a female voice that was meant to sound reassuring or sincere but, to Priyanka, was sounding increasingly mocking. "Please hold until the next available..."

"Ugh!"

* * *

They laughed and danced and spun and whirled and it was amazing! It wasn't clear when one song ended and another began so they could have been dancing for five minutes or fifty. It didn't matter, they were there and they were having a great experience!

Someone bumped into them. It was crowded on the dance floor and it happened sometimes, so they paid it no mind.

"Hey baby," said a voice that was familiar in the worst possible way. They were bumped into again.

They looked and- "Gah!" -jumped back.

Kevin was there, a look that definitely wasn't boredom coming through half-lidded eyes as his gaze swept down and then back up the length of their body. "Get ready-" and with a well-executed shuffle-slide, Kevin glided near them. "-It's Kevin time."

The music shifted in time with Kevin's breakdown, the moves in perfect sync with the rhythm. There were impressed noises from the crowd. A part of them couldn't help but wonder if he'd waited until this moment to cut in so he could do his choreographed routine.

Whatever the case, they suddenly didn't feel like dancing anymore and waded into the crowd a little ways, putting some distance between them and _that_ guy. Maybe some more glowing soda would put them in a better mood. Or tea. Earl Grey. Hot.

Riker would know what they meant.

They glanced up at Sour Cream. From his elevated platform, the DJ was bobbing his head along to the beat, a headphone covering one ear while he looked like he was tapping the Konami Code into his chiptune rig. They hoped they could talk with him before they had to go home.

They'd just started heading for the avocado-decorated bar when a man in a brownish-purple jacket walked into view. "Hey baby, why'd you leave me on the dance floor?" Kevin’s white infinity scarf was glowing a brilliant turquoise under the club's black lights.

They stopped, their breath coming in short. "I don't want to dance with you," they said, expression serious.

"What are you talking about?" Kevin smiled at them with perfect teeth lit up by the black lighting. "We're the best thing happening in this place. No one else could pull off that farrago outfit of yours; no one's even _heard_ of that style yet. Come back out with me and we'll be what _everyone_ is talking about."

Their eyes narrowed dangerously. "Even the no-taste losers?"

Kevin shrugged. "They're garbage people, so who-"

They stepped forward and made a slashing motion with one hand, cutting Kevin off with the gesture before pointing at him accusingly. "No!" Their voice was a little deeper than usual as they ranted at the man. "You're wrong, there aren't 'garbage people,' there's just people. And treating people badly because they're hard of hearing or deaf or anything else like that makes you a bigot! It's mean and- and- incredibly rude and you shouldn't do it!" They were glaring at the man and had jabbed him once or twice with their finger. "And Connie has a perfectly nice nose, you jerk!"

Kevin's eyes had gone wide for a moment but then understanding dawned. "Oh, you were in line when I told off those kids. Okay, I get it. Everyone's got their pet issue. Yours is being all P.C. or whatever. Cool." He smiled again and tried to take their hand in his own but they recoiled. Undeterred, he said, "You and me are angels, we're perfect. Come dance with me."

They took a deep breath, drawing themselves up to their full height. "No. Leave me alone."

Kevin reached out again and grabbed their wrist, tugging insistently toward the center of the dance floor. "Baby, you're not listening to me, you-"

There was the whistling sound of a bomb falling and then the bass dropped, the entire warehouse-cum-club shuddering.

_Pivot. Weight on the balls of the feet. Align shoulders and hips. Don't stop when you hit; punch through your target._ The memory of Jasper's advice came through loud and clear as they put their opponent down.

If he tried anything again, _then_ they'd start acting on Lapis' advice.

In the wake of the explosive bass drop, the music came back only softly, Sour Cream's voice dominating the speakers. "Thank you Empire for this serious multiplayer experience. This one goes up on the high score board for sure. That's my beats for tonight but we're going to the bonus level with DJ Gaiden." With that Sour Cream tossed handfuls of glow sticks out into the crowd and then disappeared from the platform as a wall of fog rolled in.

When the fog dissipated a man in a head-to-toe ninja costume that, curiously, didn't cover the arms, was standing in Sour Cream's place. He had a pair of katanas strapped across his back, both of them wrapped in fiber optics that pulsed rainbow colors in time to the beat. "The president has been kidnapped by me," said the bare-armed ninja DJ. "Are you bad enough dudes to dance to these tracks?" and with that, a fast-paced Mortal Kombat remix started blasting over the speakers.

Kevin was sprawled across the floor, propping himself up with one elbow, rubbing his cheek and groaning about his beautiful face. The punch had drawn some attention and the tall person standing over Kevin could see someone muscular and suit-wearing headed in their direction, but the audience was overwhelmingly distracted by the music and spectacle on the platform.

Ducking low, they weaved their way through the crowd, heading toward the VIP and backstage area.

Emerging from the press, they shook their left fist and said, "I- Wow. I literally don't know how to feel about all of that." Distracted enough by their inner tumult, they nearly walked into large woman in a suit. She was wearing dark sunglasses. Indoors. At night.

"Step back, please," she said, palm out. "VIPs and staff only." Sure enough there was a velvet rope behind the burly woman and behind that, a door leading into the backstage area. Stacked nearby there were also crates of avocado-based drinks and additional cardboard cutouts, presumably unused extras.

"Oh, uh, sorry. I was just-" the tall person craned their neck to try and spot Sour Cream. "-I know Sour Cream and just wanted to talk with him."

"I'm sorry, but you can't go backstage without-"

A man had been leaning against the wall, hidden in the shadow of a stack of Guac's Hard Avocade. He was lanky, pale, wore a questionable amount of gold, and had the last of his white hair slicked back. It was shiny and glowed like a torch under the club’s black lights. "It's fine. A nine-and-a-half like that wants to see my boy, you can go ahead and let them."

He was both 'Marty!' and 'some guy who doesn't get enough sunlight’ to them. It was hard to tell because of his sunglasses, but they suspected they were being given an up-and-down eyeing like Kevin had done. _How do I feel about punching him?_ they asked inwardly, equal parts flippant and curious.

The woman unhooked the rope and stepped aside, the way to Marty --and hopefully Sour Cream too-- open.

"Thanks Mar-uh, mister manager guy," they offered as they walked forward, inwardly wincing at their clumsy save.

If Marty noticed, he didn't seem to care as he led the pair through the decidedly less glamorous cinder block hallways that were the employee-only areas of The Space Bar. They paused outside of a closed door with a glittery yellow star hung on it. Inside a muffled voice could be heard. Sour Cream’s.

"SC's probably on the phone with those two Beach City groupies of his." Marty shrugged philosophically, as if humoring his son’s impulse to contact loved ones after a performance. Then he turned to face them. "No photos, no recordings. You can say whatever you want on social media, though; so long as we’re trending, I don’t care." He lowered his glasses and looked up at them, then retrieved a card from inside his jacket. "And if you ever want to make some cash, give me a call. You'd look great posing in front of a big can of Guacola."

Before they could do more than (hesitantly) take the proffered card, the conversation inside the dressing room ended. Marty swung open the door, nudged them across the threshold with a, "Go get 'em, champ," and then slammed the door shut behind them.

Sour Cream, sitting in front of a vanity mirror, phone still in his hand, stared at them, bewildered.

They stared back, equally at a loss for what to say. Then a smile split their face and they rushed forward, pulling Sour Cream into a handshake that quickly became a hug. "That performance was awesome, Sour Cream! I'm so glad I got to go to one of your shows and that you're this big-time performer now! I can't believe I know someone famous!" Pause. "That I'm not related to-slash-friends-with-their-son."

Sour Cream stepped clear of the embrace and gave them a searching look. "Uh, thanks, but... Do I know you?" His eyes went to their gemstone. "Does Connie have, like, an older sibling I've never met?"

Blink. "Oh my gosh! I'm me in front of you and I didn't even- Uh, this is kind of embarrassing, actually." They looked around frantically, finding a distinct lack of good places to duck behind. "Okay, one second and, um, try not to freak out."

Sour Cream's expression became leery and he backed up another step. "Yeah, saying that doesn't actually help with the not freaking out."

"Sorry, I-" They scrunched up their face into something apologetic and then said sheepishly, "Well, I'm going now. Sort of. Bye." With a meek wave and a flash of light, the one became two, Connie appearing behind Steven and practically hiding, her cheeks blazing red.

Steven looked back and saw his friend then turned to Sour Cream. "Hi Sour Cream,” he said, trying to look nonchalant. “It was a really cool concert." He smiled.

There was a shiny spot on his black Mister Universe tee that ended abruptly, like someone had spilled a drink on it and meticulously cleaned up half of it.

Sour Cream stared at the pair for a beat longer, then looked skeptically at the soda on the dresser. "Music-Dad didn't try and spike my drink again, did he?"

Connie peered around Steven, the other half of the spill visible on her outfit. "No, that was something Steven and I can do. Because of magic." In a near-squeak she added, "Please don't tell anyone about it."

Perhaps reacting to Connie's distress or because, being the Beach City veteran he was, the answer 'because magic' actually _did_ explain things, Sour Cream gave the pair a disarming smile and sat casually back down in front of his vanity mirror.

He didn't touch his drink, though.

"Okay, I'm on beat now. I guess I'm just not used to that sort of thing outside of home, ya know?"

Connie nodded and managed to step further out from behind Steven.

Sour Cream got back up and said, "Hang on, let me get you guys something to sit on." He pulled a couple of folding chairs out from a corner and passed them to the pair, then turned and began rummaging through a mini-fridge. "You want something to drink? I've got soda, bottled water- You guys like Guacola, because I've got tons of that."

Both teens shook their head 'no'.

"Yeah, I didn't think so, but little bro loves the stuff so I keep some around." He grabbed new drinks for each of them, himself included, being sure to toss his unfinished beverage in the trash just in case.

“Oh, hey, is your cheek okay?” he asked, pausing before taking his seat and gesturing to the bandage on Connie’s right cheek.

“Yeah, it’s no big deal,” she said with a sigh. “Just an, uh, accident while camping.”

Sour Cream nodded, taking the answer at face value. “I hear you. Forest levels are always tough and dangerous things hang out in the woods around town.”

Connie blinked. “Onion hangs out in the woods outside town.”

Sour Cream’s nod continued. “Exactly. Or as fish-Dad always says, ‘Muh muh muhmuh muhmuh muhmuh muh muh muh.’”

Steven laughed so explosively, it couldn’t all escape out his mouth in time and emerged as a snort instead. Sour Cream seemed pleased at the reaction, grinning in response. Connie turned to her friend, reached up, and wiggled her ear to signal for help.

“Oh, sorry,” said Steven after the chuckles had died down a little. “He said that Yellowtail says, ‘All that healthy living isn’t good for you.’”

That actually was pretty funny, she conceded, but the effect lost a little in translation. Still, she managed to smile and chuckle to everyone’s satisfaction.

"Just so I know what not to mention, what exactly was that before?" asked the DJ, fidgeting with the flap of one of the large pockets on the front of his baggy pants. "Little bro does the 'kids in a trench coat' thing so was that, like, that with magic?"

Connie and Steven shared a look, the latter saying, "It's called fusion. It's something gems can do where they dance together and then smoosh into a super neat giant woman, only me and Connie don't make a giant woman, we make a kinda tall person instead."

 _Please don't have been in Beach City during the Malachite fight._ Please _don't have been in Beach City during the Malachite fight._ Pleeease _don't have been in Beach City during the Malachite fight,_ chanted Connie to herself.

Fortunately the DJ didn't get wide-eyed or mention 'watermelon Godzilla,' the phrase Jeff and Peedee had used when discussing the furious fusion. Instead he smiled at the pair and bobbed his head. "Thanks for the speed run on that. And don't worry, I'm not going to harsh you guys on having an unusual relationship. I mean, my boyfriend is dating my girlfriend so I'm not exactly playing on normal-mode." He took a sip from his new drink then said, "Glad you two could make it to the show. Oh, and Steven, thanks for keeping things mellow at the record label's office. Your mom looked like she was going to drop some serious bass on music-Dad when we ran into you guys in the elevator."

Steven chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck with one hand. "Yeah, Mom and Marty get along better when they're not, uh, talking. Or looking at each other. Or being in kick range."

"Yeah, music-Dad can really scratch some people's records. I get it," said Sour Cream in a conciliatory tone. "I tried getting him and Mom and fish-Dad to harmonize a little when we were all in Beach City, but that got blue-shelled hard."

Connie, having come down from her initial (and intense) embarrassment, looked at Sour Cream thoughtfully. "So you were trying to reconcile with them?"

"More like get them to reconcile with each other, or, like, realize they've got a Sour Cream-shaped middle of one of those circle charts-"

"Venn diagram?" offered Connie.

"Yeah, that. I mean, Mom and Music-Dad are angry over things from way back. And that's fine, it's part of their play-through and all. But after a while I think they were just being mad out of habit. I was trying to break the habit. Plus-" Sour Cream leaned back in his chair and stared at the ceiling, the steady 'thump thump thump' of DJ Gaiden's set audible in the quiet room. "-It's a real bummer following my dream gig with music-Dad while Mom and fish-Dad are freaking out. It'd be nice if I could go for the full combo, career and family, you know?"

The (relative) silence continued for another few 'thump thump thumps' before Sour Cream looked back at the teens with a chagrined expression. "But you guys didn't come here to listen to me." Pause. "I mean, you did, but not to _that._ Sorry for getting downbeat there."

Connie took a drink of her water, expression still pensive. "Actually," she said after another quiet second, "I'd kind of like to ask you about that. Dealing with family problems, I mean."

The DJ nodded. "Ask away, girl-dude."

Steven scooched a little closer, offering Connie comfort by proximity. She gave her friend a wan smile then turned her attention to the DJ sitting across from them. "So the gems have done some things in the past that I really didn't agree with. They have their way of dealing with things and I'm increasingly convinced it's not the right way. Things came to a head recently and now..." 

She trailed off. Without realizing it, her left hand went up to her gemstone while the right curled up as if she were holding her sword.

She shook her head. "I don't want to stay mad at them but I can't just go back and pretend that nothing happened. And I don't think they know how to change, or they're really bad at it, and everytime I think about going back there I- I just don't want to. It's too much work. It's going to make me too mad... and sad... and disappointed." 

During her speech, several of the lights framing the vanity flickered and some of Connie's hair stood on end. Steven, however, reached out and took his friend's hand, twitching briefly as he helped to ground her both emotionally and electrically.

Sour Cream looked at her thoughtfully, his fingers idly tapping out a rhythm on his baggy jeans while he mulled this over. "I hear what you're playing. When I was just starting out, I did everything stealth-mode. Steven knows what I'm talking about with my 'secret project.' Dude helped me record it, after all," and he shot Steven a grateful smile. "I didn't want Mom finding out and later I kind of vanished for a while so I could do some gigs with music-Dad, play the demo before buying the game, you know? Thing is, being gone like that aggro'd Mom and fish-Dad big time. Made things harder later on."

"So I should just confront them?" asked Connie, her voice rising in distress.

"That's a little off-beat, actually." Sour Cream leaned forward causing an errant glow stick to fall from one of his large pockets. He glanced down then waved it off and turned back to Connie. "If I was doing it over and going for the high score, I'd tell Mom and fish-Dad that this was important for me. But I wouldn’t let them stop me from doing it. And I'd tell music-Dad what was and wasn't cool, because seriously, early on I was going through brain bleach like crazy."

He bent down and picked up the glow stick, tossed it to Steven, then faced Connie again. "It made everyone a little non-chill about it, but you've got to do right by yourself. And they all love me --even if putting them all in the same room is like something out of Smash Bros.-- so they learned to cope. Eventually." He gave Connie a weak smile. "It was pretty ugly for a while but now it works."

He leaned back in his seat and took another sip of water, staring into the space above the teenager's heads. After a bit of further thought, he looked at them and said in summation, "You can zerg-rush your dreams, but don't forget your base while you do it."

Connie and Steven spent a moment ('thump thump thump thump') processing these pixelated pearls of wisdom. Eventually, Connie said, "But first I need to figure out what I want, right?"

The DJ bobbing along to the music bobbed a little deeper in agreement.

Connie stared at the middle distance a little longer and then nodded her head. "Thanks Sour Cream. I... I don't think I'm ready to go back yet, but when I am, I'll try really hard for that balance of family and self."

Sour Cream's smile was wide as he stood up. "Right on, Connie." He helped her and Steven up, adding, "This must be how Buck feels all the time. Dude's always trying to guide me and Jenny toward deep truths and stuff."

"Thanks for talking with us, Sour Cream!" cheered Steven, pulling the man into another hug. "I really hope the tour goes great!"

"Ah, happy to drop some wisdom and some beats on you two," answered Sour Cream as he wove past Steven, gave Connie a side-hug, then approached the door. Cracking it open, he looked left and right then closed it again, saying, "But how about I show you guys a quiet way out? One person enters, two teens leave is, like, reverse Thunderdome. That's gonna raise some question marks."

Connie's eyes went wide. "Oh yeah, and technically we're not supposed to be in the building anyway."

Sour Cream gave her a perplexed look. "Why not?"

Steven answered. "Marty got the venue selling alcohol so kids aren't allowed."

Sour Cream shook his head, muttering something under his breath. Then, with a final peek into the hall, he waved the two teens out, led them through the backstage area of The Space Bar, and out to a door that deposited them in the very alley where they'd fused.

"Later dudes. Say hi to Buck and Jenny for me!" he called before closing the backstage exit.

The pair waved back and then turned to head back toward the front of the club.

Something had been tickling the back of Connie's thoughts ever since she and Steven had... unfused? Defused? Fissioned? Ever since they'd come apart. Now she had the chance to pay attention to it.

"Hey Steven?"

"Yeah Connie?"

"The rant at Kevin was definitely you," and she offered her friend a fist bump for bravery in the face of bigotry. Fist bump received and returned, she finished with, "But who was it that threw the punch?"

Steven opened his mouth... then closed it. Then he looked at Connie, his face one big question. Connie thought back to that moment again and... No, she wasn't sure either.

The two shrugged and walked past the exterior of The Space Bar.

Just then Connie's phone rang. It being the default ringtone, once a classical guitar piece that was now synonymous with 'answer your phone,' reminded Connie she needed to finish customizing her new, nigh-indestructible cell phone. Fishing it out and glancing at the screen framed in pink reminded her that she also needed to figure out a way to paint it some other color.

She'd never liked pink.

Anyway, it was Priyanka calling her. She accepted the call and held it up to her ear. "Hello?"

"Hi Connie. Having a good time?" asked the doctor, sounding like she was having the exact opposite.

The fact that she and Steven had snuck into the club _via fusion_ , punched a man, and snuck back out _all while Priyanka was in the area_ crashed into Connie like a bucket of cold water. It was all she could do to keep her voice from wavering. "Uh huh," she said, her throat suddenly too tight for words.

"Well I have bad news. The car isn't going anywhere."

The ice water dropped to a few degrees Kelvin as Connie's free hand went to her gemstone. Was that her fault too?!

"I've been on the phone with a _profoundly unhelpful_ roadside assistance service," the words coming out were almost a growl, "and it could be a few more hours before we have a ride home. Given the time of night, I think we're going to have to interrupt Steven's parents so they can give you two a timelier ride back to Beach City."

Connie made a strangled noise, distraught at just how many evenings were being impacted by this. After she and Priyanka had shared a surprisingly good day together, and after the doctor had dropped everything to drive her all the way out to Empire, this seemed like a pretty crummy thing for Connie to maybe-accidentally have inflicted on her and now Mr. and Mrs. Universe too.

Connie’s tongue was heavy in her mouth, reluctant as she was to agree, and she was earning worried looks from Steven. Said looks became ones of surprise when a light and a noise spilled across the sidewalk they were traveling along. With a howl warped by space and Doppler effect, Wolf came rocketing out of a swirling vortex in front of them.

“Connie? Connie? Is everything okay? What was that noise?! Connie!”

Wolf padded over to Steven, snuffling her friend all over before giving him a friendly head bump of hello. Connie, meanwhile, raised the phone making the distressed noises back up to her ear and said with a burgeoning smile, “We’re fine and don’t call Steven’s parents just yet. I think I have our ride situation taken care of.”

Wolf panted happily, gesturing with his head for Connie to hurry up. Clearly the deli was close enough to smell.

* * *

“You can not be serious.”

A giant yellow wolf --named Wolf, no less-- was standing in the deli parking lot with Steven and Connie astride him like a horse. Which, given his size, was a reasonable comparison to make. Yes, Priyanka had heard of the animal, and yes, she’d seen him once or twice in that ridiculous costume on the boardwalk, but this was something entirely else.

Plus, she could smell the pastrami on his breath from here.

“He was able to howl-warp his way here in the first place,” explained Connie. “So logically he can get back to Beach City by doing the same.”

As if there was anything logical about this situation. No, Priyanka strongly suspected that logic was more of a suggestion within a fixed radius of magical gemstones or the greater Beach City area.

“Plus, I think all that deli meat refilled his destiny animal powers,” added the Universe boy, who was sitting just behind Connie.

“I promise Wolf and I will be back really soon,” said Connie.

Then, before Priyanka could put a stop to this nonsense, Connie gave a ‘Hyah!’ followed shortly by a howl, a flash of light, and then… a mostly empty parking lot.

The door to the deli swung open. “The heck was that?!” demanded a portly gentleman wearing a butcher’s smock.

Priyanka opened her mouth, closed it, then opened it again and said, “Stray dog.” He looked at her incredulously. “A big one,” she added.

He glared at her for another long second before turning and walking back inside, head shaking.

What could she say? _That was my boyfriend’s daughter’s magical, giant yellow wolf teleporting them to a seaside town in Delmarva._ That sort of truth would only set you free in Beach City. Anywhere else and they’d call the orderlies to take you back to your nice padded room.

Just enough time had passed that Priyanka was starting to grow truly worried --She had agreed to look after the teens and they were most definitely not anywhere she could supervise them to ensure their safety-- when there was another vortex and a sound like the noise of train exiting a tunnel if said train was a giant, yellow wolf.

Priyanka’s inner critic found that simile lacking and filed a complaint. She responded that it had been a long and trying day. And also, _magic wolf_.

Connie was still astride the animal, her hair out of sorts as though she’d been through a strong wind. She was breathing fast and smiling, the look casting Priyanka back to the rare few times she’d agreed to accompany Anjan on a roller coaster.

In her peripheral vision, she noticed the portly butcher from before working his way awkwardly through the deli and towards the front door. Driven by an impulse that was, a part of her felt, beneath the dignity of a woman her age (and a doctor besides), Priyanka jogged hurriedly over in the hope that she wouldn’t have to explain herself to the unpleasant man coming their way.

“How do I- Oh, I guess that works,” said Priyanka as the wolf Wolf lowered himself down so she could swing her leg over the side. Connie helped her up but Priyanka, aside from feeling absurd, assumed she mounted the animal clumsily as well. Doing that in front of Connie bothered her more than she’d like to admit.

“Ready?” asked the girl.

_No. Definitely not. In no way and on no planet is this a thing I should be ready for._

“Yes,” she said, sparing a worried glance at the deli entrance.

“Go Wolf!” cried Connie and, with a lurch and a jostling sensation that was somehow _exactly_ how she expected riding a giant wolf to feel like, they were off.

There was a loud sound, a flash, and then they were out of the dimly lit parking lot in front of an Empire delicatessen and inside the brilliantly lit kaleidoscope that was the express route to Beach City.

Priyanka was screaming. Connie was screaming. At first the two of them were screaming differently: the former, in fear for her life, the latter, as though riding a particularly thrilling ride. By the end, though, the two were shrieking the same way, Priyanka’s mouth turning into something approximating a smile even as she clutched Connie in an adrenaline-fueled bear hug.

The two of them (and Wolf) emerged from the multi-colored, swirling tunnel still screaming, the surroundings spinning dizzyingly as Wolf hit the sand and skidded to a halt like a fishtailing car. Heart racing, skin cool as sweat evaporated with the ocean breeze, Priyanka found herself in Beach City once more, the boardwalk maybe thirty yards distant. Sitting on the edge, kicking his feet was Steven. He waved.

The air had the tang of sea spray and, curiously, a faint smell of honeysuckle. Where was that coming from?

“Good boy, Wolf! Yes, who’s a good boy? Who’s a good boy?” asked Connie, hopping off and scratching the large animal’s neck and chin. “You are, that’s who!”

Priyanka managed to dismount and step back just in time because Wolf rolled over to allow Connie to rub his expansive stomach. Steven jogged over and joined in.

At least within the confines of Beach City the whole thing seemed less strange. No less crazy, mind you, but Priyanka felt the earlier cognitive dissonance ease. She was back in the asylum, after all, so why shouldn’t it be mad.

“Thank you for the ride, Wolf,” said Priyanka a touch bemused.

Wolf paused in his canine bliss to look at her, bark once, and then loll a massive tongue out of the side of his mouth. She walked over and gave the animal a perfunctory belly rub before stepping back, hand automatically going to the miniature bottle of Purell in her pocket.

Magical or not, he was still a dog.

After a few more minutes, Priyanka got everyone to the task of getting home for the night. While she led the children down the road toward the apartment --she could take Doug’s car to drop Steven off and ensure he hadn’t dropped his house keys mid-warp or something-- Priyanka realized something with profoundly mixed feelings: tomorrow she’d either be making the return warp to Empire City to pick up her car from the mechanic, or she’d have to make the multi-hour drive there. Twice.

She mulled it over as they walked down Thayer Street. Then she rolled her eyes and hung her shoulders in defeat. She was becoming one of the inmates!

 _At least it’ll mean another outing with Connie,_ a part of her observed.

A few paces later, Priyanka reached over and gave Connie’s shoulder a squeeze, a gesture of affection the girl returned with a smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have a Connie Swap story burning in your soul that you want to see in our official, curated Omake collection, drop us a comment either in the Omake fic or here in the main fic and we'll get in touch.
> 
> Connie Swap has an official Discord for the fans. [Come check it out.](https://discord.gg/RQMDdhr)
> 
> As usual, we'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments and your asks at the [Connie Swap Tumblr](http://connieswap.tumblr.com/). Thanks for reading!


	5. Epilogue

The following day Connie rode with Priyanka back from Empire City… after buying a couple of pounds of deli meat for Wolf and then sending him back to Beach City.

Along the way back they detoured through Crossroads, stopping at Priyanka’s house long enough for her to run in and grab _Lagaan_. During the long drive, she and Priyanka planned how they’d rope Dad into watching it if he put up a fight.

It was everything Priyanka had said it was. Plus songs. Way more songs than she’d expected. Catchy though.

“That Bhuvan guy sure walks around a lot without a shirt,” Connie remarked once during the film. That prompted her dad to look at Priyanka pointedly for some reason, the latter of whom fluttered her eyes at Dad and said, “Really? I hadn’t noticed.” 

The whole exchange felt very Lapis-like to Connie.

They finished the first half of the film before stopping for the day: Dad had other things he needed to do and Priyanka wanted to get in a nap before leaving for her late shift at the hospital. That plus the earlier goo-goo eyes was reason enough for Connie to take her media viewing elsewhere. 

Steven was in school so Connie found herself in an empty Beach House, sitting up in the loft she hadn’t used in a couple of days, watching an _Under the Knife_ rerun. When she heard the temple door open, the girl paused the show and lazily leaned over expecting to see Lapis going to raid the fridge or Jasper headed for the warp pad. Instead, wrapped in a bathrobe and wearing fuzzy, green alien slippers, was Peridot.

Connie’s eyes went wide. “M-Ma’am?” she called out.

As if in a daze, the long-absent caretaker looked her way, then wrapped her robe more tightly around her and shuffled slowly across the floor. Gems didn’t need sleep and yet Peridot _looked_ like someone who hadn’t slept since locking herself in her room just shy of a week ago. When she reached the broken phone, she pressed something Connie couldn’t make out that made an audible ‘click.’ Two floating fingers pushed the device, which swung up as if affixed to a hinge at the top, revealing a hidden cubby. With a crinkling sound, Peridot removed the bag of sour gummies within and shuffled her way over to and then up the loft stairs.

“Ma’am, are you okay?”

The gem looked at her, pain clear behind her eyes. She wasn’t okay. The conflict between them? Still there. But right now that wasn’t important. Peridot laid down beside Connie and wrapped her arms around the girl, pulling her in close, half hug, half exhausted snuggle. A minute later she turned and faced the TV in silent invitation.

Connie started to say something but Peridot offered her a gummy, then gestured to the remote. Without another word, Connie took the treat and pressed play, settling into the almost too-tight embrace, letting the medical drama rerun wash over her. Her and Peridot.

* * *

Lapis had noticed the light from the TV through the windows, which was why when she pushed open the door she said loudly, “Honey, I’m- Dot?!”

There she was, sitting up watching _Camp Pining Hearts_ , wrapped in a bathrobe and wearing fuzzy slippers. Her costume was just a pack of bon bons and a set of curlers shy of complete.

Not that man nor gem had invented the set of curlers that could handle that yellow, memory foam-like head of hair.

Peridot gave Lapis a wan smile and patted the spot beside her. She was a sight for sore eyes, but as raw as she looked, she was really testing the limits on that expression.

Lapis winged up and then settled down beside her. Watching Paulette run from a skunk, Lapis recognized this as an episode in the middle of season two. That meant Peri had probably been at this for a couple of hours now.

She looked around. No sign of Con-con. Lapis was waiting for the tomato bath scene before asking after girlie but then she felt Peridot lean into her, her head resting on Lapis’ shoulder.

“Lapis?” asked Dot, her voice almost a croak.

“Yeah?”

Paulette dived into Percy’s tent, followed shortly by the skunk. The tent became a mad tussle before it collapsed entirely two campers and a skunk making distressed noises within. Great scene. Blast from the past, this episode.

“Want to work on a meep morp with me?”

Lapis’ eyebrows shot up. _Speaking of blasts from the past_.

“Sure, Peri-berry. That’d be fun.”

The two of them watched as the scene changed and Paulette was sitting in a wash tub filled with tomato soup. A camp counselor with a clothespin over her nose ran bucket through the liquid and poured it slowly over the girl, her hair becoming clumpy with the stuff.

Know what? Con-con could wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The art was drawn by BurdenKing.
> 
> And so we come to the end of _Crossroads to Empire_. But the beats aren't stopping, because we're going to be forgoing our usual week off between episodes and jumping right back into the main story next Wednesday! Why? Well, partly because we're _really excited_ about the upcoming episode. But also because we're planning on taking an **end-of-year break** after Episode 29 wraps up. Going from mid-November through the rest of the year, we'll be taking a break to rest, recharge our batteries, and not have to try and juggle weekly Connie Swap content alongside major family-holiday-travel madness. I, br42, am reserving the right to _actually_ take some Wednesdays off rather than create omake content... though I make no promises one way or another.
> 
> But what is this episode we just couldn't end the year without? Why, it's **Episode 29: The New Lars.**
>
>>   
>  Lars is a jerk. A big one, and despite Connie's efforts to understand him he remains inscrutable in his jerkitude. But what if... What if he didn't have to be?
> 
> * * *
> 
> If you have a Connie Swap story burning in your soul that you want to see in our official, curated Omake collection, drop us a comment either in the Omake fic or here in the main fic and we'll get in touch.
> 
> Connie Swap has an official Discord for the fans. [Come check it out.](https://discord.gg/RQMDdhr)
> 
> As usual, we'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments and your asks at the [Connie Swap Tumblr](http://connieswap.tumblr.com/). Thanks for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> Keeping track of all the updates to Connie Swap can get a little difficult, can't it? It doesn't have to be! If you go to the [Connie Swap Series](http://archiveofourown.org/series/630527) page and click the " **Subscribe** " button then you will receive an email alert every time a new episode is posted or a new chapter is added to _ANY_ fic in Connie Swap.
> 
> One button. All the updates.


End file.
